sacred-space


Balance: Approaching the Path to Yin/Yang Understanding

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Challenging Your Perceptions…

 

To challenge and in return be challenged is a gift, although if I am honest, I do not always see it as such. Unless I am writing an article for the Tarot Blog Hop or Reiki Blog Hop then a lot of what I am writing is Soul-Felt. Recently I have found myself on the receiving end of more than one challenge. During Sacred De-armouring I was confronted with my own tourist like behaviours in all kinds of situations. It wasn’t an easy thing to deal with but the gift I received wasn’t just knowledge but also truth; an uncomfortable truth at that.

 

To be shown that sometimes you can be wrong, isn’t something I was ready to feel or possibly even accept. I avoided the concept like I avoided the concept that things could be perfect, complete opposite ends of the same spectrum and I had to face both over the course of one weekend. Now here I am a few weeks later confronting that same lesson but this time I don’t have that feeling, I read through an article that at first thought well yes! I must be wrong in my thought processes, but then I processed it a little more and thought about an old notion that I was told some years ago.

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‘Twice is Conformation’

 

It’s something that has time and again shown itself to be accurate for me, when I am writing a paper for a course or doing a project I fact check and I will make note of the places that I gain information from. Typically I will go to my books first and then I will come to the internet and if all else fails I will ask someone before I will go to Wikipedia. It is rare for me to state that I know something for certain or make any definites I only speak from my experience and my own knowledge base. I have had a lot of my work and words validated over the last 20 – 24 years and that includes anything that I have done with regards to Tarot or Spirituality.

 

The one thing I have grown tired of saying in all that time is I’m dyslexic, it has become this badge I continually have to wear almost like a caution for the ignorant or those too lazy to take the time to read posts and pages properly. It will almost always come up at some point in a conversation with someone who doesn’t know me that well and in those instances it’s actually fine, and I don’t mind, I think that other thing I have grown weary or maybe just wary of is just how limited the perception others can have. I mean I am the one with the reading issue and yet I end up having to walk someone through a train of thought that is fairly self explanatory.

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Words Have No Emotion Unless Spoken or Framed in Context…

 

We use words, sentences and paragraphs every moment of life, even as babies before we grasped what words were; we had our unique language and then we were gifted the ability to structure that unique language with words that belonged to our race, country and place of birth. Throughout time we have been able to attach emotions to the words spoken and written words in a book when framed correctly evoke the right emotion, but words in a text message and certainly in a messenger window, don’t have emotion; they are just words and yet there is an almost incessant need to attach an emotion to them.

 

Maybe it is something that I have gained from the on and off years I have been doing Tai Chi or the connections that I have made between Reiki, Taoism and Buddhist philosophies but I have come to realise that where the internet and indeed social media are concerned there is no point in creating attachments to the words that authors write on pages or feeds. To personalise something that may or may not be about you only causes you the emotion, the other person is oblivious to the fact you are having those feelings. In fact to show that you are reacting only make that person stronger, so sometimes it is best to just walk away from it.

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Shattering Me…

 

A this point I feel I want to start rounding up some of the threads that are within this post, mainly to help you understand where this is all leading to. As for me I already know because I am the author, so let me start with something that I mentioned at the start about tourist behaviours; these are behaviours such as making and stating very grand things but not really having that much conviction or explanation behind them, they are said to see what reaction can be evoked, its not really done in malice or badness it’s a defence mechanism that I employed to try make friends or at least hide behind a pretense and observe people without really being in the moment or having a genuine feeling or connection.

 

It is almost as if a moment is a transitory experience and it doesn’t actually matter, when the reality is, that every moment does matter, regardless of how transitory it might appear to be. There are other examples as well but the best one to really see yourself through your own eyes is to remove your name, for a day or in the right kind of workshop just remove your name, or give yourself another one and see what happens. When I chose to do that very thing, I saw myself through the eyes of others and it changed me. At first I was actually repulsed by the words that others had said to me, eventually after trying to hold it together I broke, I needed to break and needed the release because in doing so I found myself, well the start of it anyway.

 
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Finding Myself Again…

 

In the process of finding myself, I rediscovered something that I again touched on at the start, my ability to fact check; you see I don’t enter into a post without knowing my thoughts, feeling my knowledge and owning my understanding. So I will check out the meaning of a word, and I will also from that meaning surmise that from a particular view point that word may have an expanded or perhaps even deeper meaning than may first be considered. I will give you a recent example that has created a bit of a problem.

 

Ancient and Arcane two words that for me have very similar meanings and also for me I used them with specific context. Even before I began to type this paragraph I chose to look up both words in order to clarify my thinking and I am happy that from my own perceptions its correct.

 

The word Ancient can mean: “Ancient(adj); old; that happened or existed in former times, usually at a great distance of time; belonging to times long past; specifically applied to the times before the fall of the Roman empire; opposed to modern; as, ancient authors, literature, history; ancient days“.

 

The word Arcane can mean: “Arcane(adj) understood by few; mysterious or secret.”arcane procedures for electing people” synonyms: mysterious, secret, hidden, concealed, covert, clandestine, enigmatic, dark; esoteric, obscure, abstruse, recondite, little known, recherché, inscrutable, impenetrable, opaque, incomprehensible, cryptic, occult “the arcane world of the legal profession” antonyms: well known, open

 

So let me walk this through for you, to explain why I feel these two words can be used in a specific context. Arcane as you can see “understood by few; mysterious or secret” and Ancient as you are also aware and can see “old; that happened or existed in former times” by our modern day standards Arcane knowledge is also Ancient knowledge because it is now not known or understood by few and has become mysterious and secret because of its age and because it existed in a former time (Source: definitions.net & google.co.uk)

 

However this notion of word usage and context has as I say become a problem, and made me address this idea of being wrong or misinformed. It’s like my knowledge base as well, I have studied many subjects within the esoteric movement from parapsychology, numerology, character analysis, astrology and the list goes on, I have studied tarot but I learnt through doing not through books, I only chose to get a certification because I felt being out in the public domain I had better have something that shows my worth. The books I have on the subject vary from 1800’s through to 2016 and somehow I don’t think I would just ‘bin them’ because my thoughts on the matter clash with someone else. (you can see the entire saga here)

 
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A Matter of Balance and Opinion

 

If I believe I am wrong I will admit to it, if another suggests that I am wrong or that my knowledge is fallible then that is also something that I will admit to as I did on the Sacred weekend, however on here on this blog or this site, I am prepared to dig my heels in and not exactly fight but state my case from my understanding until either an impasse is reached or I realise that there is no power in the words and it is opinion. In which, case I am no longer afraid of suggesting that the opinion is actually wrong. True there will be times when both opinions are right or indeed wrong, but at the end of the day, does that even matter?

 

The soul of the matter for me is direct and straightforward, opinion like fact is based on someone having written the words to begin with and then having others back-up, verify and give pundits or accreditation to those words. Then through time the words soon become thought of as fact and eventually even historical fact; whether they are right or wrong; Freud is a good example of this, many still accept his work as historical fact but many others find his work to be flawed and outdated by our modern day standards and yet many still adhere to his works and reference them.

 

I said at the very start of this to challenge and be challenged is a gift; it may not always be welcomed but it is a gift none the less. I have received several gifts of challenge and the way I process and make sense of them is to write it out. Like I have done here; I know my mind, my knowledge and own my understanding, I am happy and content to have that peace, I am also content that some days I may be wrong and my opinion may be wrong but you know something… Today really isn’t that day…


Lessons of The I AM

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Lessons of The I AM

 

A Beginning is a Delicate Time…

 

When Frank Herbert wrote Dune, he knew exactly what he was talking about; he’d studied ecology, mythology and tribal cultures; he then projected his imagination along with his knowledge of corporations from his time working in industry both as a reporter and then also (if memory serves) when he worked alongside the Oil folks as well. He understood what could and still might eventually happen to us as not only a culture but also as a species. What has the Dune series got to do with the ‘I AM’ quite honestly nothing and also everything. Its not about the books, or the story and it has nothing to do with the author’s background either. It has everything to do with the quote but I wanted to give the quote its proper context and place as well.
 
In the original version of this post, I called today a challenge, and the more I wrote the more I felt it was missing something as if it was too early to write. I tried to attach some meaning or at least something tangible but the more I did the more malfunctions began to happen, the signal to the net dropped or the bluetooth began to interfere with the wi-fi and then when I pulled back from explanation it got better. The lesson (the first of many today) was to stay in I AM, don’t place any attachment on to what is happening in that moment, if its not working for me then that is good enough, the explanation will present itself within the natural flow of cause and effect or a more simpler way to say it is When the Answer is ready, it will show up.
 
Staying present and being in I AM means checking in and going through the mantra I have set up; this is a tool that eventually will eventually become redundant because the I AM will be the constant anyway, all the time and within any situation no matter where or when that situation is happening. An example of this was going to the gym, I actively stayed within the I AM presence and I felt everything about the Gym experience, from knowing that I had run enough to knowing I had completed my time with the machine that does resistance work with the legs (both front and back). I literally decoupled from that machine it had served its purpose. Working with the free weights was a challenge because I was actively placing all my awareness in every sensation and suddenly for a fraction of a second I thought “crap this is too heavy for me” and then realised that I had to push through that because it was bull, the weights weren’t too heavy I was resisting because this was the first time the I AM had been in complete control since I restarted the gym all those months ago.

 
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Sensing with The I AM

 

When I stepped back into me, I felt about 99.9% of the I AM presence. I was and I still am working through the Dharma, Dhamma, Catharsis or process (again whichever word resonates with you) from the weekend but today I felt the full 100% of the I AM presence. Right now though I am content to have the 99.9% even though that last 0.01% needs to be integrated but my sense of things tells me that needs to happen within the dream state, as I know that happened last night within the dream state.
 
I will tell you something funny, each time that I recoil from being completely truthful and honest, I feel it as a twinge within my body, and yet as soon as I say it openly and don’t care about what another pair of eyes in going to think its released, like avoiding saying within the dream state last night I was releasing, doing some form of dream de-armouring. Not dreaming about the events of the weekend but actually working within the dream state to heal or complete the de-armouring that had been started during the workshop that afternoon (whoa loving the release as I was honest about that there).
 
Okay so let’s go back into the discussion about stepping back into me, and feeling the full 100% of I AM. I want to finish that off before I discuss two other aspects that I have discovered throughout today. I mentioned in yesterdays post Exploring the I AM Power that I knew that I would end up working with de-armouring I didn’t know in what context but that when I was ready I would work with it. Well to be bluntly honest I thought that it would a while, nope it was today…
 
This evening to be exact, my husband and I haven’t seen much of each other because the workshop was a last second thing that it had to be arranged within the space of a few hours on Friday evening. To help you understand but without adding attachments or explanations we don’t at this time live in the same house as one another. However it was decided that we would see one another tonight but then he developed a headache, and it looked as if it wasn’t going to be possible. I don’t personally resonate with the concept of perfection, at least not in the sense of the word but I do resonate with the idea of synchronicity, manifestation or in very simple terms what Taoists call The Way; my sense of things is they all mean exactly the same thing and the word/name makes it tangible.
 
Leaving that as it is, I draw your focus to this, I was placed into the position where I had to use the techniques from the workshop to help hubby shift whatever it was that had come to the surface. It was interesting because it was head work and nothing else. As we had driven over to the house, any lower work was being done simply through holding space and through silence, the conclusion of that aspect came when we got into the house. The work as I said was head work, I knew where I needed to be, because I saw it. I knew what I was shifting because I had that knowing. I also knew the smell of it and taste too but I haven’t as yet got too much of a handle on those yet (it’s part of the 0.01% I mentioned above).
 
I then held space and allowed the Reiki to flow (more on that in a moment), at the end of it hubby had his higher third eye meridian or chakra open, we felt it happening together for me I had my shiva lingam or palm chakra complete its opening. Each time we connected hands or whatever we felt it happening. It was at that point we knew that we have Shiva and Shakti energy, creation energy in other words flowing. I am the Shiva Energy and he is the Shakti Energy; as Hubby pointed out he does have an 8ft Light body and as for mine, well put it this way I haven’t quite figured out where my light body starts or stops, it will do somewhere along the line but as yet I haven’t quite found them.

 
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Words and The Knowledge of The I AM

 

At the gym I have two playlists, Gym List and Tai Chi which I use at the end; during the workout and while within the full I AM presence, the lyrics to some songs were an assault on my senses. It was like a set of instructions on a talking book or like seeing the Colour Red on the TV I allowed and battled through some of them but eventually I just had to start track shunting because enough had become enough. My sense of things brought back into my frame of the I AM memory a conversation that has come up a great many times about the power of words.
 
Let be clear about one thing, I give you a name that you can call me; my folks named me but the only power it has is the power I know allow it to have. My sense of things saw that today and I touched on it for a moment yesterday but the significance of that is now fully present within the I AM today, there is no longer any contract with the name I have given you to call me. Yes I know exactly how that is sounding right now and no I don’t care what meaning you take from it, if you take any meaning at all from it.
 
The De-Armouring for me released so much, none of it actually can be given word form, not out of concern for re-attachment as it has no place and no invite, but because there is no way to give it a name or anything, we don’t have the language for it well not any more. However the de-armouring also was a gift, I have written about the past life work that I have been through and about learning how I connect with Reiki The interesting thing that I have learnt through this since that work was done is something that I have only really ever given words to a few times, and I don’t plan on giving it words here because that opens a door to attachment or story and explanations, most of that is already been said in the past life stuff I wrote anyway you just need to read it.
 
Okay I am growing a little tired to this while relevant is hovering close to getting lost in story, explanations and placing attachment where it’s not needed. As I fully integrate into the I AM where there is no need to make the distinction or have the need for a mantra other than during the time I will be working, I have come to accept, embrace and quite honestly roll with some of the stuff that has happened. Working to remove energy from crystals, reiki symbols and negated the energy that was within a couple of things I had printed on to parchment and at the time cleared but today I realised that they had now served their purpose and needed to be negated rather than sent back into the void of all possibility.

 
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I AM

 

The journey I began 3 years ago, has concluded in that all the parts of me are now returned; nothing prepared me for what sacred de-armouring would do and yet I know there could have been no other way to achieve what has been accomplished. As I finish up and prepare to publish this piece, I am in full awareness that there is only me, all parts of me have been integrated and I am ready now at the completion of this piece to fully embrace the last 0.01% – the range of feelings and energies that are doing the rounds within me at this moment aren’t anything other than the body healing and repairing from my time at the gym today.
 
What I write here isn’t really for validation or to create/weave a tale it’s an actual chronicle, a record of the transition and integration of the I AM. I am not bothered if you believe it, dismiss it or whatever. Unless you were there or you have been through de-armouring then there is a chance that you won’t fully resonate with this and that is fine, you are not meant to at this point. I welcome comments, regardless of polarity; I will answer them.
 
Thank you for reading this piece
 
Namaste <3


Exploring the I Am Power

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Over this weekend I was invited (albeit) last minute on to Sacred Touch De-Armouring Level 1 Workshop, what had drawn me to the work has been a threefold combination of personal feeling, professional advancement and then something else that is actually neither of them and more to do with the work I have been doing with myself since around 2013. The trouble with actually explaining this work is exactly that, I am explaining and giving the explanation more power than it really needs, it’s a bit like an author writing their autobiography, and getting caught up in the minutiae of their story and what I am attempting (a bit poorly perhaps) to do is not actually get you caught up in that (but unintentionally doing just that).

 

I will get to why this is important in a second, but for now let’s stay with this point, with regards to the story and for once let me take it the personal for this explanation. I realised somewhere between yesterday and today I have been a bit like a tourist trying to fit in when dealing with social situations. I use words to attempt to impress, to fill in the moments and even use them too much because there was at that time a need for me to I guess prove something or deflect something, however I think maybe it could be both. At the end of the day that is semantics and that isn’t really needed nor is it the point, the whole point is I used words as an effective (from where I was at that time) shield, it wasn’t a craving to have power from anyone but it was to prevent someone stealing that power from me… but also I was being a voyeur upon the whole experience and interaction.

 

However today and this morning in particular is when I realised that up until that point there had been a form of subtle toleration of my voyeur and the best way to describe it a kind of humouring of tourist ways trying to impress, trying to fit in (so to speak) and then in one sentence and in one moment that was thrown back at me, the words were reflected back and I did not like that one bit. It’s hard to see that come back at you, it feels so raw and not welcomed but at the same time it was needed and what was required.

 

It sent the tourist and the voyeur packing and then there was quite literally just me; well the me aspect and that had no place to hide, it was either going to revert and recoil into the tourist in which case, it was time to move the car out and go to the beach and sulk, throwing out blame to the sea and claiming that I had just lost out on money, time and blah, blah, blah… In other word excuses, with more excuses on top of hey let’s go buy some crystals or let’s go find a place that sells tarot cards and buy them; or it was time to step up and confront.

 

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The ‘I Am’ (which is the really the only way to describe this feeling) pushed the rest, the me part into staying and forcing all the issues to the surface. To the point that my healing process my integration of ‘I AM’ means that for now I have to lose my voice, I am have to lose the power of word play until I am ready to use language and words correctly and properly. Only then will I regain the voice that the I AM is meant to have.

 

So you see now I am in a position where I have no ability to weave a story or use more words than is needed. Even now as I am typing this piece up I am deciding on the best choice of language, tone and word so that there is no ‘story’ there just is the account from me to you the reader of the experience of transformation the De-Armouring and in particular Sacred Touch De-Armouring actually has.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, my inner editor is having a field day; the inner editor is actually me but when you have a dis-association with words and how to actually use them effectively, which is really what dyslexia is and when you don’t know or rather at some point have realised it is easier not to engage with others, which is where my triggers are for the autism traits I have. (I am having a laugh at the moment because I almost fell into the author analogy from earlier there…) Anyway back to the matter at hand, the inner editor as I was saying is being content in the fact I am keeping it as simple as possible and direct as possible, which if you know me in real time, is a huge change for me.

 

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Okay so this work that I have been doing, it is personal/professional and it began in earnest around 2013, I did a lot of esoteric work not magic – well at least not in the conventional sense – more avant-garde than that, we’re talking about Akashic work, bringing home all the aspects that have been lost, we’re also talking about authentic self or true self. Trouble is when you start that journey, you are also having to bring home all the shadow-self aspects as well and being honest they aren’t nice.

 

When you begin no-one, well at least no-one I have encountered thus far is either willing to discuss or even open that door (for want of a better way to give it words) well until this weekend. Take it from me in all honesty right now you have no idea how much I want to stop writing this but it is needed because it is part of my process, my dharma, catharsis or process – they are really all words that mean the exact same thing, and I am checking in with the ‘I AM’ or the ‘I’ every few moments as this unfolds, even taking a break from the page and coming back to it has worked.

 

To explain the shadow-self has had many names, has had many descriptions but it is still all to do with you, all the contracts you make with daemons, dark forces, elementals and aliens. The contracts you create or forge within the past life (regardless of incarnation) it all still centres and connects to you. Shamans, Wise Women, Seers, Channellers, Sensitives and so on have all encountered the shadow-self in all its forms over the generations and dealt with the baggage, sent it back into the void of all possibilities or back into the time frame it belongs, sometimes they negate it and I feel that this is what was happening with me all through the weekend.

 

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Having been through it, the negation, the release back into the void and even a rescue release into the higher side as well through the weekend has changed me, helped me to reclaim my own power and not only embrace but actually release the need to explain what I know without the need to question or attach anything to it now, when you work with me, you are working with one of the oldest souls. However until today I would have felt as if that needed story, explanation or the tourist/voyeur approach; now I will explain it, answer any question you may have with regards to that but at the end, what you do with that answer, is your own choice. I will have moved on within 90 seconds of giving you what you need.

 

Right so let’s pick up something that I said about two paragraphs ago; I said that no-one that I have encountered thus far is willing to discuss or open the door to that discussion… What I mean by this is more coming from a sense, a new found sense at that. Authors (nothing against them) and Founders of systems that are bringing in ways to reclaim and release or work within the akashic records are doing good work but at the same time they are opening the way for the shadow-self stuff to come back in and without proper explanation or even guidance (again not the right word but it’s close enough) it can take up residence and create a co-habitation or co-dependency relationship and you may not even be aware.

 

Now this new found sense of things (rightly or wrongly) tells me that this is not new but old ways that the ancestors recognised and knew how to deal with it because the knowledge was already there, the collective or universal mind (touched on something there that wasn’t ready to be expressed but it’s dealt with) already had that knowing. This world well the part of it I inhabit has long since forgotten about the collective knowledge, yes at times it surfaces and we feel it but effectively it’s being drowned out.

 

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Authors and Founders don’t know or if that information is there it is being edited out to make the books sellable to a mass market. Sacred De-Armouring on the other hand, isn’t about making it sellable, palatable, there are no authors, tourists or voyeurs, there is only you. The shadow-self gets love, the parts that aren’t to do with you get negated and at the end there is only you. What you go through to get to that can be, well it honestly hasn’t got words it is experienced.

 

De-Armouring is not for everyone, mainly because my sense tells me that not everyone has that journey to take but it is a worthwhile experience to have regardless of journey. I don’t know (at least right now) how I am meant to work with it, but that is more to do with space than to do with me being ready. However my senses tell me that given the space circumstances it may chose to manifest or evolve into toning through voice, ting-shaws or singing bowl, it might be holding sacred space and that it just the tip of the iceberg known as possibilities, what I feel and I know without doubting it is De-Armouring has a place within my work. There are three known certainties for me: I know that it will be within my massage work, I know that it will be in my Angelic Reiki Work (touched on within the Practitioners but it will be within the Masters) and I know that when I need to I will go back to do more work with it for myself as well.

 

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It has been a true honour to have you read this journey, I just want you the reader to know that this has been apart of my dharma, catharsis or process, it is whichever word you feel resonates with you as you have read this. I do not mind answering any questions, replying to feedback in the positive or the negative. Just realise that your words are your own, they don’t have an effect on what I have shared, they will not hurt or insult me because I experienced this first hand, your are just reading what I needed express.

Namaste