Narcissist – Is it really such a bad term?


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The Trouble with Narcissism…

There was a time when I would have actually thought that Narcissism was a very bad thing as society and culture generally would have me believe but over the last few weeks I have really started to wonder about whether it is. I have two contrasting thoughts about it but somewhere along the line these contrasting thoughts have met in the middle and formed a union of opposites. A yin/yang balance so to speak.

 

On the one hand there is this popular belief that to be self-indulgent, talk about yourself and ignore everyone else is the start of narcissism. Programs like Ex On The Beach, TOWIE, Real Housewives and so on seem to focus on this idea that money, power, orange tan lines, bad hair and massive eyelashes are what the viewing public is interested in; but also its more than that this idea that self glorification is somehow bad. There is actually a lot of negative connotations to the self perpetuation where the focus of it is looks, material wealth and glamour, this idea that bigger the breast the more chance a footballer will want to date you; or the bigger the muscle, blonder the hair and the deeper more bronzed tan, will get some porn star model with a DD chest to fall for you; is bad, and has such a vapid negative connotation that it goes beyond narcissism and into borderline stupidity.

 

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It’s Not that Simple?

 

I find it troubling that there is a recent spate of what you could call anti-self love information graphics, doing the rounds on social media. It made me ask the internal question – Is there a difference between the selfie and narcissistic posts that say look at me? – Surely it’s not that simple; is constant posing for the camera and posting the image to social media and a selfie every few days/weeks different? Is saying I love being me and I love me two completely separate entities? Surely you can’t have one without the other, and to those who post up selfies and then post up informational graphics that tell the casual viewer how bad it is to adore or whatever yourself, is that not hypocritical?

 

Why is it fine to post up about how good self love is and why it is needed, but then also tell the casual viewer how bad it is because it’s now suddenly been rebranded as narcissism? Recently I have begun to get comfortable in my own skin and also spend time actually posting on social media, things to help people think about themselves and their behaviours; by the standards that your informational graphics set, this would now mean my posts are in some way not self promotional, but typical of someone with so called narcissistic personality disorder…

 

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Time to Re-think YOUR Behaviours…

 

A word to the ‘wise’ maybe it’s time for you to change, not those of us who are actually comfortable with speaking out, writing our thoughts and breaking with the normal – which seems to be using someone else’s word and/or preach about love and light; let me tell you why, you can’t have the light without the dark and you can’t know love without first understanding hate. Yes! in case you’re wondering I actually do know them both quite intimately, and neither of them are nice. I have only learnt about the true language of light, because it saw me through my dark night of my soul. I only learnt to give and accept love unconditionally, because I spent most of my teenage social life learning what hate was, in all its multi-coloured darkness.

 

In business like life you have to know your trade and have a good sound knowledge base, no matter where it comes from. Self-love is brilliant and it needed at this time, so is recognising that narcissism is a tool; you actually need it if you are going to survive life as well as being in business. Regardless of whether you’re a sole trader, part-time or employed by a company, the ‘me, me, me’ is used to sell, sell, sell!

It is when the ego roams unchecked, preaching to all and sundry about love, light and how blessed we are to know you or about you that there is a problem; You become a lesson and also a gift; the lesson that you become is the very one you have been telling the viewership about. The gift is learning not to become the same said lesson.

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Uneasy Lies the Mirror…

 

Now here is something that is really going to bake your noodle… If you have been reading through this and by now you’re ready to launch into the comments with some kind of tirade or you’re going to hunt me out on social media in the belief that you have to call me out because I am talking about you… That says more about you than it does about me, but here is where I flip you over and bake the other side – the biggest question of all I pose is this, why does it offend you? I have not mentioned names, I haven’t spoken about anything specific and further to that most of these images bar one have come from google through a general search and there is only one that came from social media and it turned up because I was looking for it.

 

Just as I wait for the timer to count down from the baking, I’d actually like to point out that I don’t actually have anyone in mind. In general from social media alone I think I know maybe 300+ people, of that 300+ I am on friendly terms with most and I know about half of that total number in person or through personal interaction via the internet; so no, none of this is specifically about you or anyone else, only you have made it about you and that is the difference here.

To me this is a post on traits that I have noticed on my social media feeds and through media consumption generally. It is also a commentary on how narcissist seems to mean, the insecure put the secure ones down and how for the jealous and the envious it is a word that claims a person is narcissistic because and then list all their reasons.

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I’m Big, You’re Small…

Meanwhile (for me), these behaviours remind me of Matilda and in particular the character of Trunchbull and her bully tactics. Most of the time now I am reminded of the line I’m Big, You’re Small… It is always the ones who aren’t as comfortable in their own skin that cry wolf and scream narcissist. Yet these very same ones that do that have the loudest walls or the largest social media presence; try to have the biggest following, and look for the biggest amount of self gratification and yet they have no ego, apparently…

As for me, well I am still getting used to speaking my mind and also used to the problems that this brings, I seem to have developed the knack for de-armouring the light and fluffy using words. It makes people in that comfort zone jangle and forces them to think about the potential that not everything is light, rainbows and unicorns… Thing is, I am getting to be okay with that, because that’s my dharma and seems to be apart of who I am becoming…