#experiential


Balance: Approaching the Path to Yin/Yang Understanding

Balance: Approaching the Path to Yin/Yang Understanding

Challenging Your Perceptions…

 

TBHTo challenge and in return be challenged is a gift, although if I am honest, I do not always see it as such. Unless I am writing an article for the Tarot Blog Hop or Reiki Blog Hop then a lot of what I am writing is Soul-Felt. Recently I have found myself on the receiving end of more than one challenge. During Sacred De-armouring I was confronted with my own tourist like behaviours in all kinds of situations. It wasn’t an easy thing to deal with but the gift I received wasn’t just knowledge but also a personal truth; and an uncomfortable personal truth at that.

 

Being shown that sometimes you can be wrong, isn’t something I was ready to feel or possibly even accept. I avoided the concept like I avoided the concept that things could be perfect, complete opposite ends of the same spectrum and I had to face both over the course of one weekend. Now here I am confronting that same lesson but this time I don’t have that feeling, I read through an article that at first thought well yes! I must be wrong in my thought processes, but then I processed it a little more and thought about an old turn of phrase.

 

TBHMany moons ago I picked up a turn of phrase, ‘Twice is Confirmation’ it just means to hear, see or come into contact with the same thing more than once is proof that there is something to it. This is something that has time and again shown itself to be accurate for me, when I am writing a paper for a course or doing a project, I fact check and I will make note of the places that I gain information from. Typically I will go to my books first and then I will come to the internet and if all else fails I will ask, before going to Wikipedia. It is rare for me to state that I know something for certain or make any definite statement, as I try to only speak from my experiences and my own knowledge base. I have had a lot of my work and words validated over the last 20 – 24 years and that includes anything that I have done with regards to Tarot or Spirituality.

 

The one thing I have grown tired of saying in all that time is I’m dyslexic, it has become this badge I continually have to wear almost like a caution for the ignorant or those too lazy to take the time to read posts and pages properly. It will almost always come up at some point in a conversation with someone who doesn’t know me that well and in those instances it’s actually fine, and I don’t mind, I think that other thing I have grown weary or maybe just wary of is just how limited the perception others can have. I mean I am the one with the reading issue and yet I end up having to walk someone through a train of thought that is fairly self explanatory.

 

TBHWords Have No Emotion Unless Spoken or Framed in Context… There is just something powerful in that simple statement, we use words, sentences and paragraphs every moment of life, even as babies before we grasped what words were; we had our unique language and then we were gifted the ability to structure that unique language with words that belonged to our race, country and place of birth. Throughout time we have been able to attach emotions to the words spoken and written words in a book when framed correctly evoke the right emotion, but words in a text message and certainly in a messenger window, don’t that same kind of emotional connection; initially they are just words and true once we know a person very well, we attach emotion and even a voice to them, but we know that person to some degree but yet there is an almost incessant need to attach an emotion to the words of a stranger, we’re almost socially conditioned into it.

 

Maybe it is something that I have gained from the on and off years I have been doing Tai Chi, or the connections that I have made between Reiki, Eastern and Western philosophies; as well as the philosophies from Taoism and Buddhism. I have come to realise that where the internet and indeed social media are concerned there is no point in creating attachments to the words that authors write on pages or feeds. To personalise something that may or may not be about you only causes you the emotion, the other person is oblivious to the fact you are having those feelings. In fact to show that you are reacting only make that person stronger, so sometimes it is best to just walk away from it.

 

TBHIt may sound out there but for long enough there has been a sense that I had been shattered or at the very least fractured through the drama on Social Media. Granted on the outside everything would appear fine to the casual stranger but on the inside, there was the sense of shattering, and it needed to come its natural end. So with that in mind I think that at this point I want to start rounding up some of the threads that are within this post. Mainly to help you understand where this is all leading to. As for me I already know because I am the author, so let me start with something that I mentioned at the start about tourist behaviours; these are behaviours such as making and stating very grand things but not really having that much conviction or explanation behind them, they are said to see what reaction can be evoked, its not really done in malice or badness it’s a defence mechanism that I employed to try make friends or at least hide behind a pretence and observe people without really being in the moment or having a genuine feeling or connection.

 

It is almost as if a moment is a transitory experience and it doesn’t actually matter, when the reality is, that every moment does matter, regardless of how transitory it might appear to be. There are other examples as well but the best one to really see yourself through your own eyes is to remove your name, for a day or in the right kind of workshop just remove your name, or give yourself another one and see what happens. Another one to try is ask yourself “Who are You without Your Spiritual Story?” When I chose to do that very thing, I saw myself through the eyes of others and it changed me. At first I was actually repulsed by the words that others had said to me, eventually after trying to hold it together I broke, I needed to break and needed the release because in doing so I found myself again… I had to go through a period of dissolution, but through this I’ve rediscovered my core essence and being.

 

TBHWhere words are concerned, I relate and work with a great deal of the Ancient and Arcane ways, however these two words have caused problems in the past. I find that they are very similar in meaning and when I use them I do so with specific context. However before I begin the next wrap up paragraph; I’ve looked up both words in to clarify my thinking and I am happy that my own perceptions and usage for them is correct.

 

The word Ancient can mean: “Ancient(adj); old; that happened or existed in former times, usually at a great distance of time; belonging to times long past; specifically applied to the times before the fall of the Roman empire; opposed to modern; as, ancient authors, literature, history; ancient days“.

 

The word Arcane can mean: “Arcane(adj) understood by few; mysterious or secret.”arcane procedures for electing people” synonyms: mysterious, secret, hidden, concealed, covert, clandestine, enigmatic, dark; esoteric, obscure, abstruse, recondite, little known, recherch√©, inscrutable, impenetrable, opaque, incomprehensible, cryptic, occult “the arcane world of the legal profession” antonyms: well known, open“.

 

Let’s walk this through, to explain why I feel these two words can be used in a specific context. Arcane as you can see “understood by few; mysterious or secret” and Ancient as you are also aware and can see “old; that happened or existed in former times” by our modern day standards Arcane knowledge is also Ancient knowledge because it is now not known or understood by few and has become mysterious and secret because of its age and because it existed in a former time (Source: definitions.net & google.co.uk)

 

However this notion of word usage and context has as I say became a problem, and made me address this idea of being wrong or misinformed. It’s like my knowledge base as well, I have studied many subjects within the esoteric movement from parapsychology, numerology, character analysis, astrology and the list goes on, I have studied tarot but I learnt through doing not through books, I only chose to get a certification because I felt being out in the public domain I had better have something that shows my worth. The books I have on the subject vary from 1800’s through to 2016 and somehow I don’t think I would just ‘bin them’ because my thoughts on the matter clash with someone else. (you can see the entire saga here)

 

13925125_1014015315378834_3318230305177294569_nIt really comes down to a matter of balance and opinion. If I believe I am wrong I will admit to it, if another suggests that I am wrong or that my knowledge is fallible then that is also something that I will admit to as I did on the Sacred weekend. However on this blog and this site, I am prepared to dig my heels in and not exactly fight but state my case from my understanding until either an impasse is reached or I realise that there is no power in the words and it is opinion. In which, case I am no longer afraid of suggesting that the opinion is actually wrong. True there will be times when both opinions are right or indeed wrong, but at the end of the day, does that even matter?

 

The soul of the matter for me is direct and straightforward, opinion like fact is based on someone having written the words to begin with and then having others back-up, verify and give pundits or accreditation to those words. Then through time the words soon become thought of as fact and eventually even historical fact; whether they are right or wrong; Freud is a good example of this, many still accept his work as historical fact but many others find his work to be flawed and outdated by our modern day standards and yet many still adhere to his works and reference them. As I said at the very start of this to challenge and be challenged is a gift. It may not always be welcomed but it is a gift none the less. I have received several gifts from challenges. It has changed the way I process and make sense of them. The best way for me is to write it out. Like I have done here; I know my mind, my knowledge and own my understanding, I am happy and content to have that peace, I am also content that some days I may be wrong and my opinion may be wrong but you know something… Today really isn’t that day…

 

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Facing the Light of Diogenes

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TBHI felt challenged earlier but in a very good way. I was reading Jeff Foster’s Page on Facebook, and he posed a very interesting question; “Who are you without your Spiritual Story?” – the question is part of a poem/haiku-esque piece but its profound in that it asks a very potent and loaded question. Let’s face it anyone that walks a faith path, whether its orthodox as we understand it today or non-traditional again by today’s standards there is a story attached, however that is not always a bad thing, it just is the way that some are.

 

TBHI am not certain that my own path of faith actually has a name, I read on Social Media ages ago now about Om-ism representing the path of belief in all faiths, but as it turns out this is just another Social Media Meme and doesn’t actually have any basis outside the Binary / Hexadecimal constructs that are the Internet. It’s a pity because I really like that idea of Om as well as representing the core sound at the heart of the Universe (Spiritually speaking) also representing the Path of Belief and Understanding within all Faiths. Alas for now it will need to remain an allusion and meme for the moment, but it is interesting to find this question and then discover, what I thought was a real thing, was just a meme, which then brings me back round to the question of the moment; “Who am I without my Spiritual Story?”

 

TBHMy ‘story’ is interesting because I began with being baptised into the Church of Scotland (CoS), its diocese and predominance would be akin to Presbyterian in England and some rural places in Scotland, but it is mostly recognised as being in line with Protestantism. After 40 odd years I still haven’t worked out why there is such a divide between the different orthodox religions in the UK let alone the world. However I am stressing here, I am not open for a discussion on the whole thing, in my 40 plus years in this incarnation, I have managed to avoid the whole religious politics that divide the UK as a nation because of something that happen well over 300+ years ago and really needs to be healed.

 

TBHOkay so back to the point, as I said I began in the CoS and then around high school age, towards 13/15 I started to witness flaws that I guess I already knew were there but wasn’t aware enough to see them, but at this stage when all my senses were adjusting through puberty I did. Women bitching about others, Men folk being ignorant of other men folk, and even children absorbing this spectacle of hypocrisy and starting to parrot it back, I realised as I sat out in the hallway waiting on my folks that this was not my life. This is was not a community nor was it a path that I wanted to follow any longer, it was flawed and worse than that it had betrayed me. I had believed that it was accepting, all encompassing and loving, but it was much like the parables of Judas and his betrayal of Jesus, and at that moment I related to Jesus more than any human in those walls outside of my parents.

 

TBHMy journey expanded throughout the next ten years and then again after I was 25, till I reached a point where I had become familiar and understood a percentage of the worlds religions, including the ones that weren’t really known or had been forgotten about over here. What I discovered throughout this journey of learning, was that they all had common themes and denominators; and yet they still fought about who was right and wrong. The answer is still glaringly obvious; they are all right and also they are all wrong because like history it really boils down to who is writing it. Most faiths have been written and then re-written when the need has arisen. (King) Henry VIII for example didn’t like some of the text in the bible, in his benevolence, he had it re-written, only to then decide that he wanted religion based around him. As his illness and subsequent madness took hold, Henry decided that anyone who wasn’t following his chosen faith was to be killed. This speaks of a macabre spiritual story and also speaks volumes about the pitfalls of religion, when you ponder upon it from an ‘objective’ point of view.

 

By Internet Archive Book Images - https://www.flickr.com/photos/internetarchivebookimages/14560204190/Source book page: https://archive.org/stream/lychnocausiasive00farl/lychnocausiasive00farl#page/n49/mode/1up, No restrictions, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=44199636If I were to come face to face with the modern day version of Diogenes of Sinope and he/she/they were to ask of me “Who are you without your Spiritual Story?” then I would answer in honesty as I allowed the lamp light to shine upon me. I would say that I wear this face and this body, a wonderful combination of my parents genetic and biological genetics. I hold in within me the generational bloodlines of countless generations and I have healed the wounds of these generations and released the traumas that were contained within them. I continue on by saying that I have been a victim of an failing education system but I am better now, and I am certain that this is not the only time I have been here and I have a dharma line that is as much ET as it Human. Without my Spiritual Story, I am a loyal and loving person to my husband, my friends, my family as well as to the strangers who I may meet for the first time. I strive to be the same person online as I am offline, in person as I am on the phone. I will continue to strive to be the best me I can possibly be at any given moment.

 

HermitAs well as being able to ‘Step into Death’ when I am working on platform, I find that these days I am stepping into the role of Diogenes of Sinope or The Hermit, where I am starting to not only hold a lamp up at my own truth, honesty and authenticity but I am holding up the lamp as I start my own quest looking for an Authentic Person. Truth like honesty is a perception, we each see these concepts from our own ‘objectivity’ therefore no one person is ever right or wrong in their beliefs with regards to the Truth or Honesty. Collectively we believe in a singular truth, but when each of us witnesses something wrong with the facts that build up this singular truth, particularly when it is from our own perspective, we then collectively start to question it. Whether it develops into a conspiracy theory, a dismissal of that truth from the individual or collectively we question the facts, is really dependant on the singular truth. The one that I came across last week was a science philosopher that stated Reiki was a myth and had no solid basis for it to work.

 

TBHPersonally and also professionally I really didn’t much care for the authors opinion of facts as he saw them. It was his truth and he was owning it, in text at that time of writing and again at the time of printing and release of the book. Purely at that level and without engaging with it too much, I gave the author his truth and continued reading the rest of the chapter, if I were to hold up my lamp to this text and this author I am not sure I would find authenticity, I would find a respectable author, scientist and philosopher but as to his authenticity, I remain uncertain but I will admit perhaps I am slightly jaded because of his remarks with regards to Reiki. However I will say this, when you follow a path of logic, reason and science; it can be hard to accept something that is metaphysical in nature. I would not suggest that it is spiritual purely because Reiki isn’t a religion, it would be amazing if it was but then it would lose a lot of its credibility as a healing modality and pathway to recuperation that it has become known for today.

 

TBHReturning again to the question that was posed at the start, “Who are you without your Spiritual Story?” I am an incarnate being androgynous by nature, on a journey of authenticity that started at some point in my teenage years and has meant shedding a load of Trauma’s, Karmic and Dharma drama that wasn’t mine to start with, it has meant standing up to some nasty people out to damage and hurt me professionally and personally but it has also meant meeting and being in love with an amazing husband, having an awesome family and loving my life as it continually evolves, changes and becomes.

 

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Show and Tell – What Makes a Teacher

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TBHSocial media and the internet is awash with all kinds of courses, books and people that are ready to change your life but at a price. There are life, spiritual and religious guru’s aplenty just waiting at the click of the mouse to ‘fix’ you and there in rests the first problem, this idea that life in some way needs an external ‘fix’ – we’re not a set of pipes nor do we have copper wiring and I am not speaking for anyone else as I say this but I am certainly not in need of neutering either!

 

TBHIt’s not that I actually have an issue with any of it, for a lot of people out there it works but for everyone else it doesn’t. In many ways handing over our sovereignty that is to say our supreme power or authority that governs and defines who we are; to someone else is a huge deal and there are no certainties that once that is done they are going to treat it with respect, despite what their words say. I have experienced both the good and the bad of doing this in my 40 odd years upon this planet so far, the bad was not pleasant in the slightest but the good actually helped but only because I allowed the good to happen.

The biggest question that have encountered is what makes a good teacher? My honest answer is someone that doesn’t need the title for anything other than advertising purposes. Telling is one thing but showing is another, many tell their viewing audience but very little show. Telling your audience how good you are or how good they can be is fine, its very much like a presentation; anyone can throw together a power-point, get books printed off and book a room. I should know I have done it! I have been that guy, the teller, the fixer rather than the shower.

 

TBHAssuming that you have stayed with this, let me explain a bit about the idea behind show and tell. It’s a familiar term from school days, where you’d be asked to do a project or bring in something personal to tell the others in your class about. It’s a similar idea, showing is a bit like I do one, and then others do it after me and as for telling, well that is more about explaining and painting a picture with words, its not that effective and not all the information is retained. It’s a common thing in some colleges and Universities, depending on the subject matter.

 

I recognise that part of my work is to pass on knowledge and to be begin with I really thought that I had it sussed, I taught development with an open and friendly way, treating everyone the same. To my detriment I learnt that sometimes people only want to be your friend in order to profit from that kindness and then pass it off as their own and in all fairness I didn’t protect myself against that until it was too late in the day to do anything. What I discovered from the experience was that I had an unhealthy auto-response, which was to apologise even through others treated me like shit! However that apologetic auto-response is slowly being replaced, it’s not that I am suddenly becoming a different person, it is just that I am now protecting my work and passion to avoid that same mistake.

 

TBHI have learnt how to be better at passing on my information, the one thing I decided that was best for me was to drop the whole teacher vibe, and instead adopt the Sensei vibe. I find that I am teaching every day, just as I am taught every day, I find that I am in the cycle of show and tell a lot at the moment. Telling I am keeping up my skills and showing when I am working with clients or arranging appointments. I am even showing when I am on platform instead of telling, the showing and teaching comes in the form of the demonstrations of Mediumship and Clairvoyance, the telling comes in as I convey what is needed.

 

I find that as I facilitated Angelic and Usui Reiki, I am not teaching but rather imparting and opening the way through Sacred Space for the sentient energy of Reiki to birth a new adept or practitioner and bring the awareness of Self Mastery to those taking the journey of Mastership in either Reiki practise. When I am doing Trance Workshops, it is very much see one and then do one, I spend very little time telling, asides from the health and safety regulations for the space I am working in. This is how I believe that things should be when it comes to working with groups. Where is the point in sitting in a seat and being bombarded with information? Granted there are some circumstances where that is needed, but even then with a bit of careful planning it can be made for a time when its going to be of benefit rather than at the end of a day, for example.

 

TBHThe biggest tell that someone is just a carbon copy is outdated information or sticking to a prescribed format because it is safe. The best show is someone that takes their learning and owns it, really owns it. Just being in their presence is learning through transmission, watching them work with the techniques is watching an artist at work and then to be able to use that learning and then build on it, now that is learning, showing and what a Sensei or teacher if you will is meant to be. It is how I aim to be, an artist and Sensei of my skills set, when I am teaching I am looking to help others understand from where they are not from where I am. That’s just teaching by rota or parrot, its saying do as I say not as I do. Quite frankly I don’t honestly see what there is to gain from it other than massaging the ego.

 

I am by no means perfect and I am by no means suggesting that Guru’s or Teacher, Coaches or what have you aren’t worth it. Just as I am not suggesting that courses, books and so on can’t make a difference, they can to a degree. It’s the ‘fixing’ that is the bothersome part, we really are the only ones that can do that. We can only fix ourselves with the right tools, and perhaps that is what the teachers, coaches and gurus for tomorrow need to be learning, how to pass on the tools to the ones who will come to them. It is what I do these days, I show my students how to fix their lives, I transmit and through sacred space open their sovereign self to that knowledge in a session or in a workshop help the students to find their meaning and understanding in the time that we spend together, only then will they discover true self and self mastery.

 

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To Boldly Go… My Journey So Far…

My Journey So Far…

WhoisI have this sense that this year is a huge year of change for me, and part of the change has already started. It’s chosen to start here at my website, you see this is the time of year where everything gets renewed, it is Imboloc, the start of spring and the stirring of new life. This is my time for renewal of everything as well, at this point its the site; so I decided that it was time to renew some of the pages and update my information.
 
It is around this time that I often look back at the journey I have taken so far; if you have come to the site before then you might be familiar with the background. Originally my business was born out of a promise that I made to my dad as I walked him to the threshold between this life and the higher side or spirit world. I began with Tarot Readings and Clairvoyant demonstrations, renting a room in a salon near by to home. This opened a door to platform demonstrations at Spirituality Churches, something that I had always wanted to do but never thought it would be possible.
 
RayofLightTowards the end of that year, I kept receiving flashback memories to do with a conversation that had happened four years previously. The conversation had revolved around a system of healing called Reiki, now at that point four years ago, I stored that information away as “something to look into at a later date” and this seemed to be the later date. It is funny to think how I wasn’t able to see my boyfriend (now husband) due to the weather being really bad, which led me to caving in and asking about the importance of the memories that kept replaying that evening. It was dad that came through and said to me that I needed to spend the evening looking into Reiki rather than spending it wishing everyone a happy new year online.
 
book_glassesI remember spending a majority of that evening doing that very thing, I kept finding out that it was a system of hands on healing, gentle and very kind. The conflicting information seemed to be around the cost and where you learnt it. I reached an impasse and could not venture any further forward with my investigation at that time. However on the eve of 2013, as I kept having this feeling and accompanying set of memories from four years earlier; these specific memories to do with a system of healing known as Reiki, were leading me somewhere. I did not know what form it was going to take or how I was going to achieve it. After spending most of 2012 in a very strange place, grieving at the physical loss of my dad but at peace in the knowledge that he was in a better place. I had focused on my studies with the Open University and also with BSY.
 
Now here I was at the very start of 2013 and I encountered (although I did not know it) my first Angelic presence, the voice directly me to look up a lady that I had worked with and had a great deal of time and respect for. On her site was a name, the name of my Usui Reiki Master Teacher. In earnest I began to look over and learn about Reiki from the different sites that I had booked marked and I decided to follow what Dad and the presence of the Angel had suggested and got in touch. It was four years ago this month that I gained my Usui Reiki Level I and by the April of that same year, I would be trained as a Practitioner in Usui Reiki.
 
angels-announcing2014, which was the following year, was a very interesting year. I became a fully trained Usui Reiki Master Teacher, not once but twice and I was introduced to Angelic Reiki. Going on the Angelic Reiki Practitioners Workshop, opened my eyes but confused the hell out of me at the exact same time. I had gone from hosting an Evening of Clairvoyance at my place of work, to being invited by the chair of a local spiritualist church to do the platform of her church. This soon developed into taking the services in many of the other churches within the area, a service that I very much enjoy and continue to do.
 
It took me a year but I returned to the Angelic Reiki journey; I started off by redoing my Practitioners and once again it opened my eyes and I began to see that this journey of Reiki is ongoing and that you are led by the Reiki energy to follow the flow no matter where it takes you. In the gap between the first time and the second time, I had gone mobile and branched out into doing House Parties and Public Demonstrations of Clairvoyance, something that is very different to doing Church services. I was taught valuable lessons, about the differences and it was also a year where I was in the position to teach groups about Spiritual Development and taking on Reiki students as well.
 
feng-shui-astrologyHowever it was not until 2015 that I realised exactly what this would mean for me. By the end of 2014, I felt that it was time to make some needed changes to both my way of life and also to my business life and so I decided that it was time to change my business name and adopt a less stressful business ethos and practice. I realised that if I was getting stressed and strung out then I was not living the same teachings I was passing on to others. It was at the same time I knew that I had to return to Angelic Reiki, and so during 2015 I went back to the practitioners workshop again and received an awakening at the core of my being. It woke me to my purpose and the reality of being me, something that profoundly changed not only the way I work but also my understanding as well.
 
Angelic Reiki raised my vibration and helped me to realise that I had a very deep and rich history with Angelic energies and also the Angels themselves. I decided that I wanted to further my journey and completed my Masters followed soon after by completing the Teachers as well. In everything that I do I follow the Reiki way, it is not just a therapy treatment for me it is a way of life, I very much adhere to the ancient Shinto practises, in that I honour the ancestors, as I honour the universe, spirit (not limited to just loved ones) as well as honouring every human life whether I actually like the person or not, I honour the fact they have that spark of life and light.
 
feng-shui-astrologyThroughout 2016, I found that once again my life and outlook began to go through changes; I had started to learn massage therapies as I felt that they had important role to play with Reiki, I also went through a great awakening as the more I connected to my Sojourn and to the divinity of the universe both inside and outside; I found and discovered that I really needed to become true to myself both personally and professionally. Last year was a year of massive shifts and changes, it began after my first time teaching Angelic Reiki; one of the important realisations that I have come to with any teaching is that I facilitate learning; I open the door and the students take themselves through that door and learn very quickly what it means to experience Angelic Reiki, or Usui Reiki. They come to understand (eventually) that it is more about being than it is about doing, sometimes you need to experience and follow the natural flow and that also applies to myself.
 
connectedI became aware that I had to shift some major past life karma, and that I also needed to fully awaken the Kundalini energy that is apart of who I am. These both play vital roles in my journey and also it required me to let go and also come home to myself as well, in order to progress and move forward with my work. So I signed myself up to doing a sacred de-armouring workshop, it is not for the faint of heart but it makes a difference and really does bring home the idea of being in a physical body as well as having an energy form as well. This also led me to doing ancestral work, which made such a difference and allowed me to experience release at the same time. This also opened up to the very unpleasant side of the work that I do and can be involved with.
 
I have always found myself in the presence of the best teachers, the best facilitators and I have over time realised why this is. As a person that has various learning and biological complications, I find that I am placed in situations with the best people that work with these rather than against them. They have either helped me to recognise these thing for what they are, or they have helped me to overcome or turn them into strengths. However the flip side of this is that it has shown me beyond the veil of pretence and hyperbole; as for every great facilitator or teacher there is one who is not that great.
 
meRecently I have discovered that much of what I had believed or been led into believing belonged to others, I have been through a lot in order to come home and start to embody my sojourn, my beliefs and also take what I have been taught and put it across in away that makes sense to others. It’s not sitting well with people, in fact it has caused me a great deal of problems for the better part of nine months. I will also be upfront and honest by saying that it has caused a lot of damage on the personal and professional level and I am over being told who I am and who I am not by the spectators of my life in the peanut gallery of hearsay and rumour.
 
I take my work very seriously and I honour what I have been taught but I will also honour what I am feeling and how I am being led by the flow of Reiki and also the calling of Source and Divine Will. This means that it is time to allow natural evolution and the ebb and flow of source to guide. I follow that flow and allow it to show me what needs to be on any given workshop or with any given client because at that moment it is perfect, and the student or the client gets what they need not what is being prescribed by some formula, there are standards and I will always adhere and work within those standards.
 
meI’d love to say that this has been the easy part, giving you the reader information about who I am but believe me when I say it’s really the hardest part of it. I have read so many about pages, as I would image you have as well and they all have the customary ‘selfie’ and then go into this huge textual glorification about how they have been this and then one day had an epiphany and were suddenly encouraged by their great grandmother, mother or some other person to go out into the world and share their gift and so on… Well like so many children up to around the age of 4 or 5 I was gifted, the difference with me I never had it bred out of me by school, my peers or even my family. If anything because I was bullied throughout the latter years of primary (elementary for those of you outside the UK) and all through Secondary education it made the connection to spirit stronger and allowed me the chance to hone the psychic skills as well.
 
Throughout my further education I was always interested in the esoteric and supernatural. It became a hobby of mine and it led me into developing a very deep passion for not only the Tarot Cards but Spiritual communication as well, something that as you have read I continue working with today, however as well as platform I also do Trance work (channelling) as well as transfiguration work (spiritually my features change). I love all aspects of my work, they have been my life since I was born really. As I said above Reiki is not just a therapy or a method of healing for me, Reiki is who I am, I live and work with it each and every day of my life.


Exploring the I Am Power

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Over this weekend I was invited (albeit) last minute on to Sacred Touch De-Armouring Level 1 Workshop, what had drawn me to the work has been a threefold combination of personal feeling, professional advancement and then something else that is actually neither of them and more to do with the work I have been doing with myself since around 2013. The trouble with actually explaining this work is exactly that, I am explaining and giving the explanation more power than it really needs, it’s a bit like an author writing their autobiography, and getting caught up in the minutiae of their story and what I am attempting (a bit poorly perhaps) to do is not actually get you caught up in that (but unintentionally doing just that).

 

I will get to why this is important in a second, but for now let’s stay with this point, with regards to the story and for once let me take it the personal for this explanation. I realised somewhere between yesterday and today I have been a bit like a tourist trying to fit in when dealing with social situations. I use words to attempt to impress, to fill in the moments and even use them too much because there was at that time a need for me to I guess prove something or deflect something, however I think maybe it could be both. At the end of the day that is semantics and that isn’t really needed nor is it the point, the whole point is I used words as an effective (from where I was at that time) shield, it wasn’t a craving to have power from anyone but it was to prevent someone stealing that power from me… but also I was being a voyeur upon the whole experience and interaction.

 

However today and this morning in particular is when I realised that up until that point there had been a form of subtle toleration of my voyeur and the best way to describe it a kind of humouring of tourist ways trying to impress, trying to fit in (so to speak) and then in one sentence and in one moment that was thrown back at me, the words were reflected back and I did not like that one bit. It’s hard to see that come back at you, it feels so raw and not welcomed but at the same time it was needed and what was required.

 

It sent the tourist and the voyeur packing and then there was quite literally just me; well the me aspect and that had no place to hide, it was either going to revert and recoil into the tourist in which case, it was time to move the car out and go to the beach and sulk, throwing out blame to the sea and claiming that I had just lost out on money, time and blah, blah, blah… In other word excuses, with more excuses on top of hey let’s go buy some crystals or let’s go find a place that sells tarot cards and buy them; or it was time to step up and confront.

 

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The ‘I Am’ (which is the really the only way to describe this feeling) pushed the rest, the me part into staying and forcing all the issues to the surface. To the point that my healing process my integration of ‘I AM’ means that for now I have to lose my voice, I am have to lose the power of word play until I am ready to use language and words correctly and properly. Only then will I regain the voice that the I AM is meant to have.

 

So you see now I am in a position where I have no ability to weave a story or use more words than is needed. Even now as I am typing this piece up I am deciding on the best choice of language, tone and word so that there is no ‘story’ there just is the account from me to you the reader of the experience of transformation the De-Armouring and in particular Sacred Touch De-Armouring actually has.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, my inner editor is having a field day; the inner editor is actually me but when you have a dis-association with words and how to actually use them effectively, which is really what dyslexia is and when you don’t know or rather at some point have realised it is easier not to engage with others, which is where my triggers are for the autism traits I have. (I am having a laugh at the moment because I almost fell into the author analogy from earlier there…) Anyway back to the matter at hand, the inner editor as I was saying is being content in the fact I am keeping it as simple as possible and direct as possible, which if you know me in real time, is a huge change for me.

 

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Okay so this work that I have been doing, it is personal/professional and it began in earnest around 2013, I did a lot of esoteric work not magic – well at least not in the conventional sense – more avant-garde than that, we’re talking about Akashic work, bringing home all the aspects that have been lost, we’re also talking about authentic self or true self. Trouble is when you start that journey, you are also having to bring home all the shadow-self aspects as well and being honest they aren’t nice.

 

When you begin no-one, well at least no-one I have encountered thus far is either willing to discuss or even open that door (for want of a better way to give it words) well until this weekend. Take it from me in all honesty right now you have no idea how much I want to stop writing this but it is needed because it is part of my process, my dharma, catharsis or process – they are really all words that mean the exact same thing, and I am checking in with the ‘I AM’ or the ‘I’ every few moments as this unfolds, even taking a break from the page and coming back to it has worked.

 

To explain the shadow-self has had many names, has had many descriptions but it is still all to do with you, all the contracts you make with daemons, dark forces, elementals and aliens. The contracts you create or forge within the past life (regardless of incarnation) it all still centres and connects to you. Shamans, Wise Women, Seers, Channellers, Sensitives and so on have all encountered the shadow-self in all its forms over the generations and dealt with the baggage, sent it back into the void of all possibilities or back into the time frame it belongs, sometimes they negate it and I feel that this is what was happening with me all through the weekend.

 

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Having been through it, the negation, the release back into the void and even a rescue release into the higher side as well through the weekend has changed me, helped me to reclaim my own power and not only embrace but actually release the need to explain what I know without the need to question or attach anything to it now, when you work with me, you are working with one of the oldest souls. However until today I would have felt as if that needed story, explanation or the tourist/voyeur approach; now I will explain it, answer any question you may have with regards to that but at the end, what you do with that answer, is your own choice. I will have moved on within 90 seconds of giving you what you need.

 

Right so let’s pick up something that I said about two paragraphs ago; I said that no-one that I have encountered thus far is willing to discuss or open the door to that discussion… What I mean by this is more coming from a sense, a new found sense at that. Authors (nothing against them) and Founders of systems that are bringing in ways to reclaim and release or work within the akashic records are doing good work but at the same time they are opening the way for the shadow-self stuff to come back in and without proper explanation or even guidance (again not the right word but it’s close enough) it can take up residence and create a co-habitation or co-dependency relationship and you may not even be aware.

 

Now this new found sense of things (rightly or wrongly) tells me that this is not new but old ways that the ancestors recognised and knew how to deal with it because the knowledge was already there, the collective or universal mind (touched on something there that wasn’t ready to be expressed but it’s dealt with) already had that knowing. This world well the part of it I inhabit has long since forgotten about the collective knowledge, yes at times it surfaces and we feel it but effectively it’s being drowned out.

 

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Authors and Founders don’t know or if that information is there it is being edited out to make the books sellable to a mass market. Sacred De-Armouring on the other hand, isn’t about making it sellable, palatable, there are no authors, tourists or voyeurs, there is only you. The shadow-self gets love, the parts that aren’t to do with you get negated and at the end there is only you. What you go through to get to that can be, well it honestly hasn’t got words it is experienced.

 

De-Armouring is not for everyone, mainly because my sense tells me that not everyone has that journey to take but it is a worthwhile experience to have regardless of journey. I don’t know (at least right now) how I am meant to work with it, but that is more to do with space than to do with me being ready. However my senses tell me that given the space circumstances it may chose to manifest or evolve into toning through voice, ting-shaws or singing bowl, it might be holding sacred space and that it just the tip of the iceberg known as possibilities, what I feel and I know without doubting it is De-Armouring has a place within my work. There are three known certainties for me: I know that it will be within my massage work, I know that it will be in my Angelic Reiki Work (touched on within the Practitioners but it will be within the Masters) and I know that when I need to I will go back to do more work with it for myself as well.

 

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It has been a true honour to have you read this journey, I just want you the reader to know that this has been apart of my dharma, catharsis or process, it is whichever word you feel resonates with you as you have read this. I do not mind answering any questions, replying to feedback in the positive or the negative. Just realise that your words are your own, they don’t have an effect on what I have shared, they will not hurt or insult me because I experienced this first hand, your are just reading what I needed express.

Namaste