#I-AM


To Boldly Go… My Journey So Far…

My Journey So Far…

WhoisI have this sense that this year is a huge year of change for me, and part of the change has already started. It’s chosen to start here at my website, you see this is the time of year where everything gets renewed, it is Imboloc, the start of spring and the stirring of new life. This is my time for renewal of everything as well, at this point its the site; so I decided that it was time to renew some of the pages and update my information.
 
It is around this time that I often look back at the journey I have taken so far; if you have come to the site before then you might be familiar with the background. Originally my business was born out of a promise that I made to my dad as I walked him to the threshold between this life and the higher side or spirit world. I began with Tarot Readings and Clairvoyant demonstrations, renting a room in a salon near by to home. This opened a door to platform demonstrations at Spirituality Churches, something that I had always wanted to do but never thought it would be possible.
 
RayofLightTowards the end of that year, I kept receiving flashback memories to do with a conversation that had happened four years previously. The conversation had revolved around a system of healing called Reiki, now at that point four years ago, I stored that information away as “something to look into at a later date” and this seemed to be the later date. It is funny to think how I wasn’t able to see my boyfriend (now husband) due to the weather being really bad, which led me to caving in and asking about the importance of the memories that kept replaying that evening. It was dad that came through and said to me that I needed to spend the evening looking into Reiki rather than spending it wishing everyone a happy new year online.
 
book_glassesI remember spending a majority of that evening doing that very thing, I kept finding out that it was a system of hands on healing, gentle and very kind. The conflicting information seemed to be around the cost and where you learnt it. I reached an impasse and could not venture any further forward with my investigation at that time. However on the eve of 2013, as I kept having this feeling and accompanying set of memories from four years earlier; these specific memories to do with a system of healing known as Reiki, were leading me somewhere. I did not know what form it was going to take or how I was going to achieve it. After spending most of 2012 in a very strange place, grieving at the physical loss of my dad but at peace in the knowledge that he was in a better place. I had focused on my studies with the Open University and also with BSY.
 
Now here I was at the very start of 2013 and I encountered (although I did not know it) my first Angelic presence, the voice directly me to look up a lady that I had worked with and had a great deal of time and respect for. On her site was a name, the name of my Usui Reiki Master Teacher. In earnest I began to look over and learn about Reiki from the different sites that I had booked marked and I decided to follow what Dad and the presence of the Angel had suggested and got in touch. It was four years ago this month that I gained my Usui Reiki Level I and by the April of that same year, I would be trained as a Practitioner in Usui Reiki.
 
angels-announcing2014, which was the following year, was a very interesting year. I became a fully trained Usui Reiki Master Teacher, not once but twice and I was introduced to Angelic Reiki. Going on the Angelic Reiki Practitioners Workshop, opened my eyes but confused the hell out of me at the exact same time. I had gone from hosting an Evening of Clairvoyance at my place of work, to being invited by the chair of a local spiritualist church to do the platform of her church. This soon developed into taking the services in many of the other churches within the area, a service that I very much enjoy and continue to do.
 
It took me a year but I returned to the Angelic Reiki journey; I started off by redoing my Practitioners and once again it opened my eyes and I began to see that this journey of Reiki is ongoing and that you are led by the Reiki energy to follow the flow no matter where it takes you. In the gap between the first time and the second time, I had gone mobile and branched out into doing House Parties and Public Demonstrations of Clairvoyance, something that is very different to doing Church services. I was taught valuable lessons, about the differences and it was also a year where I was in the position to teach groups about Spiritual Development and taking on Reiki students as well.
 
feng-shui-astrologyHowever it was not until 2015 that I realised exactly what this would mean for me. By the end of 2014, I felt that it was time to make some needed changes to both my way of life and also to my business life and so I decided that it was time to change my business name and adopt a less stressful business ethos and practice. I realised that if I was getting stressed and strung out then I was not living the same teachings I was passing on to others. It was at the same time I knew that I had to return to Angelic Reiki, and so during 2015 I went back to the practitioners workshop again and received an awakening at the core of my being. It woke me to my purpose and the reality of being me, something that profoundly changed not only the way I work but also my understanding as well.
 
Angelic Reiki raised my vibration and helped me to realise that I had a very deep and rich history with Angelic energies and also the Angels themselves. I decided that I wanted to further my journey and completed my Masters followed soon after by completing the Teachers as well. In everything that I do I follow the Reiki way, it is not just a therapy treatment for me it is a way of life, I very much adhere to the ancient Shinto practises, in that I honour the ancestors, as I honour the universe, spirit (not limited to just loved ones) as well as honouring every human life whether I actually like the person or not, I honour the fact they have that spark of life and light.
 
feng-shui-astrologyThroughout 2016, I found that once again my life and outlook began to go through changes; I had started to learn massage therapies as I felt that they had important role to play with Reiki, I also went through a great awakening as the more I connected to my Sojourn and to the divinity of the universe both inside and outside; I found and discovered that I really needed to become true to myself both personally and professionally. Last year was a year of massive shifts and changes, it began after my first time teaching Angelic Reiki; one of the important realisations that I have come to with any teaching is that I facilitate learning; I open the door and the students take themselves through that door and learn very quickly what it means to experience Angelic Reiki, or Usui Reiki. They come to understand (eventually) that it is more about being than it is about doing, sometimes you need to experience and follow the natural flow and that also applies to myself.
 
connectedI became aware that I had to shift some major past life karma, and that I also needed to fully awaken the Kundalini energy that is apart of who I am. These both play vital roles in my journey and also it required me to let go and also come home to myself as well, in order to progress and move forward with my work. So I signed myself up to doing a sacred de-armouring workshop, it is not for the faint of heart but it makes a difference and really does bring home the idea of being in a physical body as well as having an energy form as well. This also led me to doing ancestral work, which made such a difference and allowed me to experience release at the same time. This also opened up to the very unpleasant side of the work that I do and can be involved with.
 
I have always found myself in the presence of the best teachers, the best facilitators and I have over time realised why this is. As a person that has various learning and biological complications, I find that I am placed in situations with the best people that work with these rather than against them. They have either helped me to recognise these thing for what they are, or they have helped me to overcome or turn them into strengths. However the flip side of this is that it has shown me beyond the veil of pretence and hyperbole; as for every great facilitator or teacher there is one who is not that great.
 
meRecently I have discovered that much of what I had believed or been led into believing belonged to others, I have been through a lot in order to come home and start to embody my sojourn, my beliefs and also take what I have been taught and put it across in away that makes sense to others. It’s not sitting well with people, in fact it has caused me a great deal of problems for the better part of nine months. I will also be upfront and honest by saying that it has caused a lot of damage on the personal and professional level and I am over being told who I am and who I am not by the spectators of my life in the peanut gallery of hearsay and rumour.
 
I take my work very seriously and I honour what I have been taught but I will also honour what I am feeling and how I am being led by the flow of Reiki and also the calling of Source and Divine Will. This means that it is time to allow natural evolution and the ebb and flow of source to guide. I follow that flow and allow it to show me what needs to be on any given workshop or with any given client because at that moment it is perfect, and the student or the client gets what they need not what is being prescribed by some formula, there are standards and I will always adhere and work within those standards.
 
meI’d love to say that this has been the easy part, giving you the reader information about who I am but believe me when I say it’s really the hardest part of it. I have read so many about pages, as I would image you have as well and they all have the customary ‘selfie’ and then go into this huge textual glorification about how they have been this and then one day had an epiphany and were suddenly encouraged by their great grandmother, mother or some other person to go out into the world and share their gift and so on… Well like so many children up to around the age of 4 or 5 I was gifted, the difference with me I never had it bred out of me by school, my peers or even my family. If anything because I was bullied throughout the latter years of primary (elementary for those of you outside the UK) and all through Secondary education it made the connection to spirit stronger and allowed me the chance to hone the psychic skills as well.
 
Throughout my further education I was always interested in the esoteric and supernatural. It became a hobby of mine and it led me into developing a very deep passion for not only the Tarot Cards but Spiritual communication as well, something that as you have read I continue working with today, however as well as platform I also do Trance work (channelling) as well as transfiguration work (spiritually my features change). I love all aspects of my work, they have been my life since I was born really. As I said above Reiki is not just a therapy or a method of healing for me, Reiki is who I am, I live and work with it each and every day of my life.


Reiki Blog Hop – When Letting Go is Hard to Do… 4

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It’s funny how I always seem to adopt a different tone when I do this blog hop compared to the Tarot Blog Hop it’s not that I don’t treat it seriously because believe me I do, I just have a completely different approach to tarot, maybe because I have worked with it so long, we’ve got to a point where I give just as much attitude as I get from the 100+ decks I have in my collection. There again maybe its just with Reiki, I live within the possibilities of endless wonder.

 

This month our reiki cat herder and resident wrangler Joy, has brought up the topic of letting go and to be fair, I almost let go of the drink in my mouth upon reading the topic. I believe my actual comment was something along the lines of “…gees have you guys been scrying in your coffee and seeing my life this last two weeks??? I have a novel waiting for this one… followed later with something like “…seriously I think I have now reach my fifth volume for this post… in all fairness to this post, we’re looking at a sixth volume at this point.

 

I chose to let go of some of my weight I had been carrying, I chose to let to of just being engaged and entered into an unconventional but completely legal marriage… twice… I chose to let go of who I believed myself to be and in the process of a full weekend discovered who I actually was, I have been placed into a position where I have had to let go of a pedestal and discover the heart (and to an extent soul) of a person that I had a lot of respect for and I have also chosen to let go of inherited ancestral baggage as well as help other let go of theirs.

 

WhoisThere is no doubt in my mind though that I still have work to do, the process of letting go, this shedding continues throughout life, it doesn’t just suddenly stop one day. One of the most liberating things you can ever do is to surrender to the natural flow of reiki, its not like science, it’s not a text book method or a one-size fits all; yes! Reiki, is Reiki, is and always will be Reiki, no matter how much window dressing like words, symbols or mystical babble that gets created, at the end of the day it comes back to the fact its Reiki.

 

When you really look into Reiki, its history, its cultural heritage and even the language and philosophy of it; there is at the core of it, one blissful reality; Reiki is simple. Regardless of which history you read there is a point where the symbols, their meaning, their origins and purpose are discussed. Depending on which history you read will affect how you relate to the symbols and their function, meaning, origin and also purpose both functionally and beyond that function.

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The most common one I find difficulty with is the traditional Kanji, there is really odd debate about it not being correct and yet this is the one that actually defines Reiki at its most traditional, because it is the one that Usui-Sensei taught (allegedly just to be safe and not cause that much offense). My main sense about this is that as soon as it was brought over into the Western world, because there is so much mis-information and dis-trust between East and West, those that chose to bring it here (regardless of reasons) they decided to make it palatable for us so took out any spiritual or mystic reference and created what is mostly out there today.

 

However, as tourism and curiosity about other cultures took hold, we started to become more inquisitive and now we have more information than we really know what to do with, so where do you let go and just forge your own path? This is exactly the point that I am at; 2016 has been a phenomenal year of transformation for me. It has also been an almost full circle too; recently I charted my progress in terms of my certificated knowledge, meaning the colleges, universities and also masters and courses that I have done throughout my life. I am tempted to forego the laborious process of writing them all out, but no! At least not this time, this is about letting go and that can be seen in two ways, the release of the bad but also the releasing of knowledge, and information and let’s face it; how much do you really know about me?

 

WhoisNot that much I would imagine; Since 1998 I have studied: Media Skills, Hairdressing, Communications, Computing, Crystal Therapy, Character Analysis, Parapsychology, Numerology, Journal Therapy, Psychology of Self, Dream Analysis, Meditation Teacher, Tarot Card & Cartomancy, Counselling Skills, Spiritual Healing, Creative Writing, Wicca, Usui Reiki Level I, II and Masters, Angelic Reiki Practitioners, Masters and Teachers, Astrology, Angel Healing, Kundalini Reiki, Karuna Reiki, Gold Reiki, Shamballa MDH Reiki and I’m also studying Massage Diploma, Advance Crystal Healing and Chinese Massage & Accupressure.

 

The interesting thing about this year is while I am happy to have typed all of that out, I also release it; I have an entire alphabet after my name these days, but they aren’t me, they are what shaped me. I build my own computers, design a lot of my own logo/graphics – although admittedly these ones I am using are a gift from a friend good friend of mine – this year I have also learnt about de-armouring work, ancestral healing and I have also learnt a very valuable lesson about hero-worship and pedestals.

 

Throughout my reiki journey, I have heard the same message over and over again, ‘there is enough room for reiki practitioners, we’re all one big family, there is no competition, we all help each other…’ Let that one go! It’s said by those who are in a position where they have a stable client base and been in business for a while. They’ve got nothing to be concerned about and further they really don’t see anyone they are teaching as a threat, they also have another part to their business and Reiki is just apart of it. Since branching off into different areas of Reiki, I truly didn’t see there was any dark side to it, until I stopped looking at things from the higher side perspective.

 

You see when you take it into the physical, factor in living, money and running a business; it is highly competitive and there is no big Reiki family, in the past month alone I have been called uncaring, I have been told that the only reason I am even contemplating some of my business ideas is because I am coming from a place of ego, money or stealing students. It’s not in my nature to be any of those things, so it says more about the person saying this than me.

 

While I care about what is said about me, I also know that I am not that person being described; it is a view point coming from where that person is in their life. However it makes me realise that I have that skill set and I know that I am able to do that work, facilitate and bring new practitioners of Reiki, any Reiki into awakening and maybe its time to just stop trying to living within this world, where people and reiki are meant to be at a higher vibration, to be awakened in their own way; its clear to me that many are only coming from their own place, and at some point they have stopped being present and in their bodies to hear the message that is being broadcast within the silence.

 

“Reiki is Simple” “Reiki is Light!” “Reiki is Perfect Love!” This energy is a mirror, its a guide and it is a gift. Every person that has ever done Reiki, has been given an amazing gift, its set them on their pathway, from Shaman, Witch, Master, Practitioner, Facilitator, Devi/Deva and all the inbetweens. Reiki holds up a mirror, and says look at where you are, where you need to be and where you want to go… Reiki is Reiki is Reiki… and sometimes you just really need to let go of who you think you are, where you think you are and what you believe you are and simply be…

 

Thanks for stopping by this months entry on the Reiki blog hop. Please feel free to leave me a comment on here or on Facebook if you have trouble with my comments page

 

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Balance: Approaching the Path to Yin/Yang Understanding

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Challenging Your Perceptions…

 

To challenge and in return be challenged is a gift, although if I am honest, I do not always see it as such. Unless I am writing an article for the Tarot Blog Hop or Reiki Blog Hop then a lot of what I am writing is Soul-Felt. Recently I have found myself on the receiving end of more than one challenge. During Sacred De-armouring I was confronted with my own tourist like behaviours in all kinds of situations. It wasn’t an easy thing to deal with but the gift I received wasn’t just knowledge but also truth; an uncomfortable truth at that.

 

To be shown that sometimes you can be wrong, isn’t something I was ready to feel or possibly even accept. I avoided the concept like I avoided the concept that things could be perfect, complete opposite ends of the same spectrum and I had to face both over the course of one weekend. Now here I am a few weeks later confronting that same lesson but this time I don’t have that feeling, I read through an article that at first thought well yes! I must be wrong in my thought processes, but then I processed it a little more and thought about an old notion that I was told some years ago.

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‘Twice is Conformation’

 

It’s something that has time and again shown itself to be accurate for me, when I am writing a paper for a course or doing a project I fact check and I will make note of the places that I gain information from. Typically I will go to my books first and then I will come to the internet and if all else fails I will ask someone before I will go to Wikipedia. It is rare for me to state that I know something for certain or make any definites I only speak from my experience and my own knowledge base. I have had a lot of my work and words validated over the last 20 – 24 years and that includes anything that I have done with regards to Tarot or Spirituality.

 

The one thing I have grown tired of saying in all that time is I’m dyslexic, it has become this badge I continually have to wear almost like a caution for the ignorant or those too lazy to take the time to read posts and pages properly. It will almost always come up at some point in a conversation with someone who doesn’t know me that well and in those instances it’s actually fine, and I don’t mind, I think that other thing I have grown weary or maybe just wary of is just how limited the perception others can have. I mean I am the one with the reading issue and yet I end up having to walk someone through a train of thought that is fairly self explanatory.

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Words Have No Emotion Unless Spoken or Framed in Context…

 

We use words, sentences and paragraphs every moment of life, even as babies before we grasped what words were; we had our unique language and then we were gifted the ability to structure that unique language with words that belonged to our race, country and place of birth. Throughout time we have been able to attach emotions to the words spoken and written words in a book when framed correctly evoke the right emotion, but words in a text message and certainly in a messenger window, don’t have emotion; they are just words and yet there is an almost incessant need to attach an emotion to them.

 

Maybe it is something that I have gained from the on and off years I have been doing Tai Chi or the connections that I have made between Reiki, Taoism and Buddhist philosophies but I have come to realise that where the internet and indeed social media are concerned there is no point in creating attachments to the words that authors write on pages or feeds. To personalise something that may or may not be about you only causes you the emotion, the other person is oblivious to the fact you are having those feelings. In fact to show that you are reacting only make that person stronger, so sometimes it is best to just walk away from it.

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Shattering Me…

 

A this point I feel I want to start rounding up some of the threads that are within this post, mainly to help you understand where this is all leading to. As for me I already know because I am the author, so let me start with something that I mentioned at the start about tourist behaviours; these are behaviours such as making and stating very grand things but not really having that much conviction or explanation behind them, they are said to see what reaction can be evoked, its not really done in malice or badness it’s a defence mechanism that I employed to try make friends or at least hide behind a pretense and observe people without really being in the moment or having a genuine feeling or connection.

 

It is almost as if a moment is a transitory experience and it doesn’t actually matter, when the reality is, that every moment does matter, regardless of how transitory it might appear to be. There are other examples as well but the best one to really see yourself through your own eyes is to remove your name, for a day or in the right kind of workshop just remove your name, or give yourself another one and see what happens. When I chose to do that very thing, I saw myself through the eyes of others and it changed me. At first I was actually repulsed by the words that others had said to me, eventually after trying to hold it together I broke, I needed to break and needed the release because in doing so I found myself, well the start of it anyway.

 
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Finding Myself Again…

 

In the process of finding myself, I rediscovered something that I again touched on at the start, my ability to fact check; you see I don’t enter into a post without knowing my thoughts, feeling my knowledge and owning my understanding. So I will check out the meaning of a word, and I will also from that meaning surmise that from a particular view point that word may have an expanded or perhaps even deeper meaning than may first be considered. I will give you a recent example that has created a bit of a problem.

 

Ancient and Arcane two words that for me have very similar meanings and also for me I used them with specific context. Even before I began to type this paragraph I chose to look up both words in order to clarify my thinking and I am happy that from my own perceptions its correct.

 

The word Ancient can mean: “Ancient(adj); old; that happened or existed in former times, usually at a great distance of time; belonging to times long past; specifically applied to the times before the fall of the Roman empire; opposed to modern; as, ancient authors, literature, history; ancient days“.

 

The word Arcane can mean: “Arcane(adj) understood by few; mysterious or secret.”arcane procedures for electing people” synonyms: mysterious, secret, hidden, concealed, covert, clandestine, enigmatic, dark; esoteric, obscure, abstruse, recondite, little known, recherché, inscrutable, impenetrable, opaque, incomprehensible, cryptic, occult “the arcane world of the legal profession” antonyms: well known, open

 

So let me walk this through for you, to explain why I feel these two words can be used in a specific context. Arcane as you can see “understood by few; mysterious or secret” and Ancient as you are also aware and can see “old; that happened or existed in former times” by our modern day standards Arcane knowledge is also Ancient knowledge because it is now not known or understood by few and has become mysterious and secret because of its age and because it existed in a former time (Source: definitions.net & google.co.uk)

 

However this notion of word usage and context has as I say become a problem, and made me address this idea of being wrong or misinformed. It’s like my knowledge base as well, I have studied many subjects within the esoteric movement from parapsychology, numerology, character analysis, astrology and the list goes on, I have studied tarot but I learnt through doing not through books, I only chose to get a certification because I felt being out in the public domain I had better have something that shows my worth. The books I have on the subject vary from 1800’s through to 2016 and somehow I don’t think I would just ‘bin them’ because my thoughts on the matter clash with someone else. (you can see the entire saga here)

 
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A Matter of Balance and Opinion

 

If I believe I am wrong I will admit to it, if another suggests that I am wrong or that my knowledge is fallible then that is also something that I will admit to as I did on the Sacred weekend, however on here on this blog or this site, I am prepared to dig my heels in and not exactly fight but state my case from my understanding until either an impasse is reached or I realise that there is no power in the words and it is opinion. In which, case I am no longer afraid of suggesting that the opinion is actually wrong. True there will be times when both opinions are right or indeed wrong, but at the end of the day, does that even matter?

 

The soul of the matter for me is direct and straightforward, opinion like fact is based on someone having written the words to begin with and then having others back-up, verify and give pundits or accreditation to those words. Then through time the words soon become thought of as fact and eventually even historical fact; whether they are right or wrong; Freud is a good example of this, many still accept his work as historical fact but many others find his work to be flawed and outdated by our modern day standards and yet many still adhere to his works and reference them.

 

I said at the very start of this to challenge and be challenged is a gift; it may not always be welcomed but it is a gift none the less. I have received several gifts of challenge and the way I process and make sense of them is to write it out. Like I have done here; I know my mind, my knowledge and own my understanding, I am happy and content to have that peace, I am also content that some days I may be wrong and my opinion may be wrong but you know something… Today really isn’t that day…


Lessons of The I AM

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Lessons of The I AM

 

A Beginning is a Delicate Time…

 

When Frank Herbert wrote Dune, he knew exactly what he was talking about; he’d studied ecology, mythology and tribal cultures; he then projected his imagination along with his knowledge of corporations from his time working in industry both as a reporter and then also (if memory serves) when he worked alongside the Oil folks as well. He understood what could and still might eventually happen to us as not only a culture but also as a species. What has the Dune series got to do with the ‘I AM’ quite honestly nothing and also everything. Its not about the books, or the story and it has nothing to do with the author’s background either. It has everything to do with the quote but I wanted to give the quote its proper context and place as well.
 
In the original version of this post, I called today a challenge, and the more I wrote the more I felt it was missing something as if it was too early to write. I tried to attach some meaning or at least something tangible but the more I did the more malfunctions began to happen, the signal to the net dropped or the bluetooth began to interfere with the wi-fi and then when I pulled back from explanation it got better. The lesson (the first of many today) was to stay in I AM, don’t place any attachment on to what is happening in that moment, if its not working for me then that is good enough, the explanation will present itself within the natural flow of cause and effect or a more simpler way to say it is When the Answer is ready, it will show up.
 
Staying present and being in I AM means checking in and going through the mantra I have set up; this is a tool that eventually will eventually become redundant because the I AM will be the constant anyway, all the time and within any situation no matter where or when that situation is happening. An example of this was going to the gym, I actively stayed within the I AM presence and I felt everything about the Gym experience, from knowing that I had run enough to knowing I had completed my time with the machine that does resistance work with the legs (both front and back). I literally decoupled from that machine it had served its purpose. Working with the free weights was a challenge because I was actively placing all my awareness in every sensation and suddenly for a fraction of a second I thought “crap this is too heavy for me” and then realised that I had to push through that because it was bull, the weights weren’t too heavy I was resisting because this was the first time the I AM had been in complete control since I restarted the gym all those months ago.

 
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Sensing with The I AM

 

When I stepped back into me, I felt about 99.9% of the I AM presence. I was and I still am working through the Dharma, Dhamma, Catharsis or process (again whichever word resonates with you) from the weekend but today I felt the full 100% of the I AM presence. Right now though I am content to have the 99.9% even though that last 0.01% needs to be integrated but my sense of things tells me that needs to happen within the dream state, as I know that happened last night within the dream state.
 
I will tell you something funny, each time that I recoil from being completely truthful and honest, I feel it as a twinge within my body, and yet as soon as I say it openly and don’t care about what another pair of eyes in going to think its released, like avoiding saying within the dream state last night I was releasing, doing some form of dream de-armouring. Not dreaming about the events of the weekend but actually working within the dream state to heal or complete the de-armouring that had been started during the workshop that afternoon (whoa loving the release as I was honest about that there).
 
Okay so let’s go back into the discussion about stepping back into me, and feeling the full 100% of I AM. I want to finish that off before I discuss two other aspects that I have discovered throughout today. I mentioned in yesterdays post Exploring the I AM Power that I knew that I would end up working with de-armouring I didn’t know in what context but that when I was ready I would work with it. Well to be bluntly honest I thought that it would a while, nope it was today…
 
This evening to be exact, my husband and I haven’t seen much of each other because the workshop was a last second thing that it had to be arranged within the space of a few hours on Friday evening. To help you understand but without adding attachments or explanations we don’t at this time live in the same house as one another. However it was decided that we would see one another tonight but then he developed a headache, and it looked as if it wasn’t going to be possible. I don’t personally resonate with the concept of perfection, at least not in the sense of the word but I do resonate with the idea of synchronicity, manifestation or in very simple terms what Taoists call The Way; my sense of things is they all mean exactly the same thing and the word/name makes it tangible.
 
Leaving that as it is, I draw your focus to this, I was placed into the position where I had to use the techniques from the workshop to help hubby shift whatever it was that had come to the surface. It was interesting because it was head work and nothing else. As we had driven over to the house, any lower work was being done simply through holding space and through silence, the conclusion of that aspect came when we got into the house. The work as I said was head work, I knew where I needed to be, because I saw it. I knew what I was shifting because I had that knowing. I also knew the smell of it and taste too but I haven’t as yet got too much of a handle on those yet (it’s part of the 0.01% I mentioned above).
 
I then held space and allowed the Reiki to flow (more on that in a moment), at the end of it hubby had his higher third eye meridian or chakra open, we felt it happening together for me I had my shiva lingam or palm chakra complete its opening. Each time we connected hands or whatever we felt it happening. It was at that point we knew that we have Shiva and Shakti energy, creation energy in other words flowing. I am the Shiva Energy and he is the Shakti Energy; as Hubby pointed out he does have an 8ft Light body and as for mine, well put it this way I haven’t quite figured out where my light body starts or stops, it will do somewhere along the line but as yet I haven’t quite found them.

 
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Words and The Knowledge of The I AM

 

At the gym I have two playlists, Gym List and Tai Chi which I use at the end; during the workout and while within the full I AM presence, the lyrics to some songs were an assault on my senses. It was like a set of instructions on a talking book or like seeing the Colour Red on the TV I allowed and battled through some of them but eventually I just had to start track shunting because enough had become enough. My sense of things brought back into my frame of the I AM memory a conversation that has come up a great many times about the power of words.
 
Let be clear about one thing, I give you a name that you can call me; my folks named me but the only power it has is the power I know allow it to have. My sense of things saw that today and I touched on it for a moment yesterday but the significance of that is now fully present within the I AM today, there is no longer any contract with the name I have given you to call me. Yes I know exactly how that is sounding right now and no I don’t care what meaning you take from it, if you take any meaning at all from it.
 
The De-Armouring for me released so much, none of it actually can be given word form, not out of concern for re-attachment as it has no place and no invite, but because there is no way to give it a name or anything, we don’t have the language for it well not any more. However the de-armouring also was a gift, I have written about the past life work that I have been through and about learning how I connect with Reiki The interesting thing that I have learnt through this since that work was done is something that I have only really ever given words to a few times, and I don’t plan on giving it words here because that opens a door to attachment or story and explanations, most of that is already been said in the past life stuff I wrote anyway you just need to read it.
 
Okay I am growing a little tired to this while relevant is hovering close to getting lost in story, explanations and placing attachment where it’s not needed. As I fully integrate into the I AM where there is no need to make the distinction or have the need for a mantra other than during the time I will be working, I have come to accept, embrace and quite honestly roll with some of the stuff that has happened. Working to remove energy from crystals, reiki symbols and negated the energy that was within a couple of things I had printed on to parchment and at the time cleared but today I realised that they had now served their purpose and needed to be negated rather than sent back into the void of all possibility.

 
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I AM

 

The journey I began 3 years ago, has concluded in that all the parts of me are now returned; nothing prepared me for what sacred de-armouring would do and yet I know there could have been no other way to achieve what has been accomplished. As I finish up and prepare to publish this piece, I am in full awareness that there is only me, all parts of me have been integrated and I am ready now at the completion of this piece to fully embrace the last 0.01% – the range of feelings and energies that are doing the rounds within me at this moment aren’t anything other than the body healing and repairing from my time at the gym today.
 
What I write here isn’t really for validation or to create/weave a tale it’s an actual chronicle, a record of the transition and integration of the I AM. I am not bothered if you believe it, dismiss it or whatever. Unless you were there or you have been through de-armouring then there is a chance that you won’t fully resonate with this and that is fine, you are not meant to at this point. I welcome comments, regardless of polarity; I will answer them.
 
Thank you for reading this piece
 
Namaste <3


Exploring the I Am Power

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Over this weekend I was invited (albeit) last minute on to Sacred Touch De-Armouring Level 1 Workshop, what had drawn me to the work has been a threefold combination of personal feeling, professional advancement and then something else that is actually neither of them and more to do with the work I have been doing with myself since around 2013. The trouble with actually explaining this work is exactly that, I am explaining and giving the explanation more power than it really needs, it’s a bit like an author writing their autobiography, and getting caught up in the minutiae of their story and what I am attempting (a bit poorly perhaps) to do is not actually get you caught up in that (but unintentionally doing just that).

 

I will get to why this is important in a second, but for now let’s stay with this point, with regards to the story and for once let me take it the personal for this explanation. I realised somewhere between yesterday and today I have been a bit like a tourist trying to fit in when dealing with social situations. I use words to attempt to impress, to fill in the moments and even use them too much because there was at that time a need for me to I guess prove something or deflect something, however I think maybe it could be both. At the end of the day that is semantics and that isn’t really needed nor is it the point, the whole point is I used words as an effective (from where I was at that time) shield, it wasn’t a craving to have power from anyone but it was to prevent someone stealing that power from me… but also I was being a voyeur upon the whole experience and interaction.

 

However today and this morning in particular is when I realised that up until that point there had been a form of subtle toleration of my voyeur and the best way to describe it a kind of humouring of tourist ways trying to impress, trying to fit in (so to speak) and then in one sentence and in one moment that was thrown back at me, the words were reflected back and I did not like that one bit. It’s hard to see that come back at you, it feels so raw and not welcomed but at the same time it was needed and what was required.

 

It sent the tourist and the voyeur packing and then there was quite literally just me; well the me aspect and that had no place to hide, it was either going to revert and recoil into the tourist in which case, it was time to move the car out and go to the beach and sulk, throwing out blame to the sea and claiming that I had just lost out on money, time and blah, blah, blah… In other word excuses, with more excuses on top of hey let’s go buy some crystals or let’s go find a place that sells tarot cards and buy them; or it was time to step up and confront.

 

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The ‘I Am’ (which is the really the only way to describe this feeling) pushed the rest, the me part into staying and forcing all the issues to the surface. To the point that my healing process my integration of ‘I AM’ means that for now I have to lose my voice, I am have to lose the power of word play until I am ready to use language and words correctly and properly. Only then will I regain the voice that the I AM is meant to have.

 

So you see now I am in a position where I have no ability to weave a story or use more words than is needed. Even now as I am typing this piece up I am deciding on the best choice of language, tone and word so that there is no ‘story’ there just is the account from me to you the reader of the experience of transformation the De-Armouring and in particular Sacred Touch De-Armouring actually has.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, my inner editor is having a field day; the inner editor is actually me but when you have a dis-association with words and how to actually use them effectively, which is really what dyslexia is and when you don’t know or rather at some point have realised it is easier not to engage with others, which is where my triggers are for the autism traits I have. (I am having a laugh at the moment because I almost fell into the author analogy from earlier there…) Anyway back to the matter at hand, the inner editor as I was saying is being content in the fact I am keeping it as simple as possible and direct as possible, which if you know me in real time, is a huge change for me.

 

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Okay so this work that I have been doing, it is personal/professional and it began in earnest around 2013, I did a lot of esoteric work not magic – well at least not in the conventional sense – more avant-garde than that, we’re talking about Akashic work, bringing home all the aspects that have been lost, we’re also talking about authentic self or true self. Trouble is when you start that journey, you are also having to bring home all the shadow-self aspects as well and being honest they aren’t nice.

 

When you begin no-one, well at least no-one I have encountered thus far is either willing to discuss or even open that door (for want of a better way to give it words) well until this weekend. Take it from me in all honesty right now you have no idea how much I want to stop writing this but it is needed because it is part of my process, my dharma, catharsis or process – they are really all words that mean the exact same thing, and I am checking in with the ‘I AM’ or the ‘I’ every few moments as this unfolds, even taking a break from the page and coming back to it has worked.

 

To explain the shadow-self has had many names, has had many descriptions but it is still all to do with you, all the contracts you make with daemons, dark forces, elementals and aliens. The contracts you create or forge within the past life (regardless of incarnation) it all still centres and connects to you. Shamans, Wise Women, Seers, Channellers, Sensitives and so on have all encountered the shadow-self in all its forms over the generations and dealt with the baggage, sent it back into the void of all possibilities or back into the time frame it belongs, sometimes they negate it and I feel that this is what was happening with me all through the weekend.

 

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Having been through it, the negation, the release back into the void and even a rescue release into the higher side as well through the weekend has changed me, helped me to reclaim my own power and not only embrace but actually release the need to explain what I know without the need to question or attach anything to it now, when you work with me, you are working with one of the oldest souls. However until today I would have felt as if that needed story, explanation or the tourist/voyeur approach; now I will explain it, answer any question you may have with regards to that but at the end, what you do with that answer, is your own choice. I will have moved on within 90 seconds of giving you what you need.

 

Right so let’s pick up something that I said about two paragraphs ago; I said that no-one that I have encountered thus far is willing to discuss or open the door to that discussion… What I mean by this is more coming from a sense, a new found sense at that. Authors (nothing against them) and Founders of systems that are bringing in ways to reclaim and release or work within the akashic records are doing good work but at the same time they are opening the way for the shadow-self stuff to come back in and without proper explanation or even guidance (again not the right word but it’s close enough) it can take up residence and create a co-habitation or co-dependency relationship and you may not even be aware.

 

Now this new found sense of things (rightly or wrongly) tells me that this is not new but old ways that the ancestors recognised and knew how to deal with it because the knowledge was already there, the collective or universal mind (touched on something there that wasn’t ready to be expressed but it’s dealt with) already had that knowing. This world well the part of it I inhabit has long since forgotten about the collective knowledge, yes at times it surfaces and we feel it but effectively it’s being drowned out.

 

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Authors and Founders don’t know or if that information is there it is being edited out to make the books sellable to a mass market. Sacred De-Armouring on the other hand, isn’t about making it sellable, palatable, there are no authors, tourists or voyeurs, there is only you. The shadow-self gets love, the parts that aren’t to do with you get negated and at the end there is only you. What you go through to get to that can be, well it honestly hasn’t got words it is experienced.

 

De-Armouring is not for everyone, mainly because my sense tells me that not everyone has that journey to take but it is a worthwhile experience to have regardless of journey. I don’t know (at least right now) how I am meant to work with it, but that is more to do with space than to do with me being ready. However my senses tell me that given the space circumstances it may chose to manifest or evolve into toning through voice, ting-shaws or singing bowl, it might be holding sacred space and that it just the tip of the iceberg known as possibilities, what I feel and I know without doubting it is De-Armouring has a place within my work. There are three known certainties for me: I know that it will be within my massage work, I know that it will be in my Angelic Reiki Work (touched on within the Practitioners but it will be within the Masters) and I know that when I need to I will go back to do more work with it for myself as well.

 

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It has been a true honour to have you read this journey, I just want you the reader to know that this has been apart of my dharma, catharsis or process, it is whichever word you feel resonates with you as you have read this. I do not mind answering any questions, replying to feedback in the positive or the negative. Just realise that your words are your own, they don’t have an effect on what I have shared, they will not hurt or insult me because I experienced this first hand, your are just reading what I needed express.

Namaste