#Words


Tango of the Wounded Healer – Embracing Bravery

TBHAs with any new skill, trade or information it takes a moment to get to grips with it. Firstly it’s how does it work, followed by what does this do and so it goes on. It’s the same thing when you discover that you’re what’s known as a Wounded Healer. Now to be honest I started at “There’s no such thing”, before I travelled into “This must be a bad thing” before finally arriving at “It’s a brave thing to be here” because being A Wounded Healer is an absolute privilege.

 

TBHHowever, at first I really didn’t understand the concept or what I was meant to do with this knowledge, particularly when you don’t know what to call it. This is one part of this that I have really struggled with for as long as I care to remember. When I began this journey, I started with the SNU (Spiritualist National Union), thinking that this would be the way to go and I had my first brush with abuses of power, but also with what it was possible for me to do.

 

Granted the entire experience was unpleasant, but it was my first brush with being a Wounded Healer. Since that first encounter there have been times when I have walked, then ran in the opposing direction, only to discover that it was always the right direction.

 

(c)2011/10 gdj.graphicdesignjunction.com What I didn’t grasp at that time is the path, this Golden path we all seem to walk, it isn’t one way. The biggest and possibly worst assumption that we can make collectively is that just because linear time dictates that we can not go back in years, doesn’t mean that our path is like that. We can move forward and we can move back along the path, it’s already perfect so there is no way to make a mistake and even if that were to happen, it is already perfect and so it is not a mistake but something to learn from.

 

Even when I turned my back, stopped listening to my calling; a way was found to return me because that was how I was always going to be. It was how it was meant to be, I was still on my Golden Path, all I had done was stepped through the mirror and onto another branch of it, a bit like Alice going through the looking glass; at the other end another mirror and back out on the journey. The lesson being, you can pause, have a breath but sooner or later you will be following your calling.

 

If I am honest until around 7 years ago, I would never have accepted that this was my calling. However there are pivotal moments that completely change you, open you to the possibilities that you have a fated life or a destiny (depending on if you believe in such things). I have often crossed paths with destiny; meeting my husband, meeting my extended family because of a spilt drink and then meeting amazing people through an open invite to my wedding on Social Media.

 

Moments that have changed the course of my life for the better, these moments feel like stepping through mirrors as part of this Golden Path, because sometimes a crossroads or a meeting with Destiny, is fated to change everything. This year has really been a time for release, a time for shedding and a time for letting go of old stagnated energies. So much of this would not have been possible without support from my family, from my husband and mum in particular.

 

(c)2012 Pablo LeboTheir unwavering belief and support has made it okay for me to just let go and be me, to release all the baggage and responsibility that comes with seeing the world differently. I have been dancing to a very intricate tango, learning the moves as I have danced but never felt brave enough to take the lead, until today.

 

The tango is very much like YinYang, for the dance to succeed one must have dominance but rather than the other being subservient, they must bend like a reed in the wind and be supple. The dance originally was between two men, locked in a dance both equals and yet during the dance the roles change as to who is leading who. As Yin will surrender to Yang, so does Yang surrender to Yin, it is the way balance is maintained. It is the way of the Dance.

 

My dance has been about acceptance, understanding that I am a Wounded Healer. Having the understanding of others pain, hurt and loss as well as their joys, loves and journey to beauty.

 

The Wounded Healer, doesn’t try to fix, mend or dictate how another soul should be, instead the Wounded Healer, holds space. The healer will embrace and meet the person where they are and act as a guide. We embrace our bravery and understand that we are reluctant to walk in a world that does not understand us yet, but then in order to heal the wounds that other do not see, we must walk the paths that others cannot know.


The Rites to Reply: Rest in Pieces the Freedoms of Speech…   Recently updated !

TBHWe gather here at this time on this blog to pay our respects; indeed it was this very week that the Freedoms of Speech, departed Social Media. It was an unexpected and untimely passing, which seems for many of us to have gone unnoticed. However, for a great many more, the passing of this beautiful and gracious being has a profound impact. Where there was voice, silence now has lease, where there was once safety, the Sword of Damocles now hangs.

 

TBHThe sense of danger now dangles, upon the last strands of that ancient steed’s hair, as the profiles fade to black. As we gather to remember the Freedom, as it was before the weekend, I am reminded of some words spoken at the time of passing… “When all blame is laid at the feet of the innocents, made to feel responsible for the acts of a few, will that make the world better? When all the responsibility has been handed out, given to all the wrong people, and those who it belongs to are dust, will the world be healed?”

 

TBHAs I look around at the blackened profiles, the sad emojis and the empty comments box, I find that I mourn for that Freedom and I ask “When the last sorry is uttered by the last innocent soul, will forgiveness be given to the forefathers and foremothers? When the last of us stands at the mouth of the dead rain forest, will that valuable contribution online matter? In the echoes, the screams, in our blindness and blame, will the illicit pointed finger of complicitness be as dumbstruck as listening to the power of positive trending?”

 

Peering into the crucible as echoes and the screams of popular finger pointing trends, froths up, boils over; I wonder, will nothing become better? When will the healing be done? Because after the dust has settled and the last sorry whispered at the mouth of the dead trees, no one will know what the foremothers and forefathers taught us. The comments boxes will still be empty, the profiles will still be black and the innocents will have been cast out from Social Media.

 

As the tide of scathing posts and malicious memes scald the blameless, deafen the silent and slaughter innocence, will that satisfy the need for blood? As the last Y and the last X Chromosome are sacrificed upon the altars of The Cyan Bird and The Mighty White F, will that mean all is forgiven? Will that #cleanse and #heal the genderless rift? Will that make the illicitness of being complicity ignorant alright?

 

As we gaze at our brightly lit gods, waiting with heads bowed in silent scrolling, let us hashtag and reflect. Let us post as I read out the last Eulogy and Rites of our beloved Freedom; “Will the crime of having no knowledge punishable through the trail of social media be made better, when the blind author obeys and says sorry through woeful fingers? Will the jury of peers #like or thumbs down, as the last YX child drags his coffin and gets ready to fall upon his password login, before he can grow up and do no harm? and she rises from the ashen pyres of scorn upon scorn for being true to their own knowing, will that allow them to post once again?

 

Lets us depart dear ones, as frenemies; hand in hand and forever distant, separated by the poisoned chalice of social media and let us forget now that each one of us has the Rites of Reply, as we bid farewell and commit The Freedoms of Speech to barren and binary land before us. Remembering how they taught us that If when we post hate online, those words won’t anoint, and the holy waters of comments and likes won’t wash us clean.

 

Instead it will rise up like a tide of poison and try as we might to scream from the bullhorn of perceived justice of being right, the false truth will be strapped to our ankles and as we sink down into the bottomless well of silence; maybe then we will notice how all around, everyone else is more comfortable remaining voiceless, and maybe then we’ll remember, dear Freedoms of Speech, who is no longer there, because this is after all its last rites.

Amen.


To Boldly Go… My Journey So Far…

My Journey So Far…

WhoisI have this sense that this year is a huge year of change for me, and part of the change has already started. It’s chosen to start here at my website, you see this is the time of year where everything gets renewed, it is Imboloc, the start of spring and the stirring of new life. This is my time for renewal of everything as well, at this point its the site; so I decided that it was time to renew some of the pages and update my information.
 
It is around this time that I often look back at the journey I have taken so far; if you have come to the site before then you might be familiar with the background. Originally my business was born out of a promise that I made to my dad as I walked him to the threshold between this life and the higher side or spirit world. I began with Tarot Readings and Clairvoyant demonstrations, renting a room in a salon near by to home. This opened a door to platform demonstrations at Spirituality Churches, something that I had always wanted to do but never thought it would be possible.
 
RayofLightTowards the end of that year, I kept receiving flashback memories to do with a conversation that had happened four years previously. The conversation had revolved around a system of healing called Reiki, now at that point four years ago, I stored that information away as “something to look into at a later date” and this seemed to be the later date. It is funny to think how I wasn’t able to see my boyfriend (now husband) due to the weather being really bad, which led me to caving in and asking about the importance of the memories that kept replaying that evening. It was dad that came through and said to me that I needed to spend the evening looking into Reiki rather than spending it wishing everyone a happy new year online.
 
book_glassesI remember spending a majority of that evening doing that very thing, I kept finding out that it was a system of hands on healing, gentle and very kind. The conflicting information seemed to be around the cost and where you learnt it. I reached an impasse and could not venture any further forward with my investigation at that time. However on the eve of 2013, as I kept having this feeling and accompanying set of memories from four years earlier; these specific memories to do with a system of healing known as Reiki, were leading me somewhere. I did not know what form it was going to take or how I was going to achieve it. After spending most of 2012 in a very strange place, grieving at the physical loss of my dad but at peace in the knowledge that he was in a better place. I had focused on my studies with the Open University and also with BSY.
 
Now here I was at the very start of 2013 and I encountered (although I did not know it) my first Angelic presence, the voice directly me to look up a lady that I had worked with and had a great deal of time and respect for. On her site was a name, the name of my Usui Reiki Master Teacher. In earnest I began to look over and learn about Reiki from the different sites that I had booked marked and I decided to follow what Dad and the presence of the Angel had suggested and got in touch. It was four years ago this month that I gained my Usui Reiki Level I and by the April of that same year, I would be trained as a Practitioner in Usui Reiki.
 
angels-announcing2014, which was the following year, was a very interesting year. I became a fully trained Usui Reiki Master Teacher, not once but twice and I was introduced to Angelic Reiki. Going on the Angelic Reiki Practitioners Workshop, opened my eyes but confused the hell out of me at the exact same time. I had gone from hosting an Evening of Clairvoyance at my place of work, to being invited by the chair of a local spiritualist church to do the platform of her church. This soon developed into taking the services in many of the other churches within the area, a service that I very much enjoy and continue to do.
 
It took me a year but I returned to the Angelic Reiki journey; I started off by redoing my Practitioners and once again it opened my eyes and I began to see that this journey of Reiki is ongoing and that you are led by the Reiki energy to follow the flow no matter where it takes you. In the gap between the first time and the second time, I had gone mobile and branched out into doing House Parties and Public Demonstrations of Clairvoyance, something that is very different to doing Church services. I was taught valuable lessons, about the differences and it was also a year where I was in the position to teach groups about Spiritual Development and taking on Reiki students as well.
 
feng-shui-astrologyHowever it was not until 2015 that I realised exactly what this would mean for me. By the end of 2014, I felt that it was time to make some needed changes to both my way of life and also to my business life and so I decided that it was time to change my business name and adopt a less stressful business ethos and practice. I realised that if I was getting stressed and strung out then I was not living the same teachings I was passing on to others. It was at the same time I knew that I had to return to Angelic Reiki, and so during 2015 I went back to the practitioners workshop again and received an awakening at the core of my being. It woke me to my purpose and the reality of being me, something that profoundly changed not only the way I work but also my understanding as well.
 
Angelic Reiki raised my vibration and helped me to realise that I had a very deep and rich history with Angelic energies and also the Angels themselves. I decided that I wanted to further my journey and completed my Masters followed soon after by completing the Teachers as well. In everything that I do I follow the Reiki way, it is not just a therapy treatment for me it is a way of life, I very much adhere to the ancient Shinto practises, in that I honour the ancestors, as I honour the universe, spirit (not limited to just loved ones) as well as honouring every human life whether I actually like the person or not, I honour the fact they have that spark of life and light.
 
feng-shui-astrologyThroughout 2016, I found that once again my life and outlook began to go through changes; I had started to learn massage therapies as I felt that they had important role to play with Reiki, I also went through a great awakening as the more I connected to my Sojourn and to the divinity of the universe both inside and outside; I found and discovered that I really needed to become true to myself both personally and professionally. Last year was a year of massive shifts and changes, it began after my first time teaching Angelic Reiki; one of the important realisations that I have come to with any teaching is that I facilitate learning; I open the door and the students take themselves through that door and learn very quickly what it means to experience Angelic Reiki, or Usui Reiki. They come to understand (eventually) that it is more about being than it is about doing, sometimes you need to experience and follow the natural flow and that also applies to myself.
 
connectedI became aware that I had to shift some major past life karma, and that I also needed to fully awaken the Kundalini energy that is apart of who I am. These both play vital roles in my journey and also it required me to let go and also come home to myself as well, in order to progress and move forward with my work. So I signed myself up to doing a sacred de-armouring workshop, it is not for the faint of heart but it makes a difference and really does bring home the idea of being in a physical body as well as having an energy form as well. This also led me to doing ancestral work, which made such a difference and allowed me to experience release at the same time. This also opened up to the very unpleasant side of the work that I do and can be involved with.
 
I have always found myself in the presence of the best teachers, the best facilitators and I have over time realised why this is. As a person that has various learning and biological complications, I find that I am placed in situations with the best people that work with these rather than against them. They have either helped me to recognise these thing for what they are, or they have helped me to overcome or turn them into strengths. However the flip side of this is that it has shown me beyond the veil of pretence and hyperbole; as for every great facilitator or teacher there is one who is not that great.
 
meRecently I have discovered that much of what I had believed or been led into believing belonged to others, I have been through a lot in order to come home and start to embody my sojourn, my beliefs and also take what I have been taught and put it across in away that makes sense to others. It’s not sitting well with people, in fact it has caused me a great deal of problems for the better part of nine months. I will also be upfront and honest by saying that it has caused a lot of damage on the personal and professional level and I am over being told who I am and who I am not by the spectators of my life in the peanut gallery of hearsay and rumour.
 
I take my work very seriously and I honour what I have been taught but I will also honour what I am feeling and how I am being led by the flow of Reiki and also the calling of Source and Divine Will. This means that it is time to allow natural evolution and the ebb and flow of source to guide. I follow that flow and allow it to show me what needs to be on any given workshop or with any given client because at that moment it is perfect, and the student or the client gets what they need not what is being prescribed by some formula, there are standards and I will always adhere and work within those standards.
 
meI’d love to say that this has been the easy part, giving you the reader information about who I am but believe me when I say it’s really the hardest part of it. I have read so many about pages, as I would image you have as well and they all have the customary ‘selfie’ and then go into this huge textual glorification about how they have been this and then one day had an epiphany and were suddenly encouraged by their great grandmother, mother or some other person to go out into the world and share their gift and so on… Well like so many children up to around the age of 4 or 5 I was gifted, the difference with me I never had it bred out of me by school, my peers or even my family. If anything because I was bullied throughout the latter years of primary (elementary for those of you outside the UK) and all through Secondary education it made the connection to spirit stronger and allowed me the chance to hone the psychic skills as well.
 
Throughout my further education I was always interested in the esoteric and supernatural. It became a hobby of mine and it led me into developing a very deep passion for not only the Tarot Cards but Spiritual communication as well, something that as you have read I continue working with today, however as well as platform I also do Trance work (channelling) as well as transfiguration work (spiritually my features change). I love all aspects of my work, they have been my life since I was born really. As I said above Reiki is not just a therapy or a method of healing for me, Reiki is who I am, I live and work with it each and every day of my life.


Lessons of The I AM

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Lessons of The I AM

 

A Beginning is a Delicate Time…

 

When Frank Herbert wrote Dune, he knew exactly what he was talking about; he’d studied ecology, mythology and tribal cultures; he then projected his imagination along with his knowledge of corporations from his time working in industry both as a reporter and then also (if memory serves) when he worked alongside the Oil folks as well. He understood what could and still might eventually happen to us as not only a culture but also as a species. What has the Dune series got to do with the ‘I AM’ quite honestly nothing and also everything. Its not about the books, or the story and it has nothing to do with the author’s background either. It has everything to do with the quote but I wanted to give the quote its proper context and place as well.
 
In the original version of this post, I called today a challenge, and the more I wrote the more I felt it was missing something as if it was too early to write. I tried to attach some meaning or at least something tangible but the more I did the more malfunctions began to happen, the signal to the net dropped or the bluetooth began to interfere with the wi-fi and then when I pulled back from explanation it got better. The lesson (the first of many today) was to stay in I AM, don’t place any attachment on to what is happening in that moment, if its not working for me then that is good enough, the explanation will present itself within the natural flow of cause and effect or a more simpler way to say it is When the Answer is ready, it will show up.
 
Staying present and being in I AM means checking in and going through the mantra I have set up; this is a tool that eventually will eventually become redundant because the I AM will be the constant anyway, all the time and within any situation no matter where or when that situation is happening. An example of this was going to the gym, I actively stayed within the I AM presence and I felt everything about the Gym experience, from knowing that I had run enough to knowing I had completed my time with the machine that does resistance work with the legs (both front and back). I literally decoupled from that machine it had served its purpose. Working with the free weights was a challenge because I was actively placing all my awareness in every sensation and suddenly for a fraction of a second I thought “crap this is too heavy for me” and then realised that I had to push through that because it was bull, the weights weren’t too heavy I was resisting because this was the first time the I AM had been in complete control since I restarted the gym all those months ago.

 
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Sensing with The I AM

 

When I stepped back into me, I felt about 99.9% of the I AM presence. I was and I still am working through the Dharma, Dhamma, Catharsis or process (again whichever word resonates with you) from the weekend but today I felt the full 100% of the I AM presence. Right now though I am content to have the 99.9% even though that last 0.01% needs to be integrated but my sense of things tells me that needs to happen within the dream state, as I know that happened last night within the dream state.
 
I will tell you something funny, each time that I recoil from being completely truthful and honest, I feel it as a twinge within my body, and yet as soon as I say it openly and don’t care about what another pair of eyes in going to think its released, like avoiding saying within the dream state last night I was releasing, doing some form of dream de-armouring. Not dreaming about the events of the weekend but actually working within the dream state to heal or complete the de-armouring that had been started during the workshop that afternoon (whoa loving the release as I was honest about that there).
 
Okay so let’s go back into the discussion about stepping back into me, and feeling the full 100% of I AM. I want to finish that off before I discuss two other aspects that I have discovered throughout today. I mentioned in yesterdays post Exploring the I AM Power that I knew that I would end up working with de-armouring I didn’t know in what context but that when I was ready I would work with it. Well to be bluntly honest I thought that it would a while, nope it was today…
 
This evening to be exact, my husband and I haven’t seen much of each other because the workshop was a last second thing that it had to be arranged within the space of a few hours on Friday evening. To help you understand but without adding attachments or explanations we don’t at this time live in the same house as one another. However it was decided that we would see one another tonight but then he developed a headache, and it looked as if it wasn’t going to be possible. I don’t personally resonate with the concept of perfection, at least not in the sense of the word but I do resonate with the idea of synchronicity, manifestation or in very simple terms what Taoists call The Way; my sense of things is they all mean exactly the same thing and the word/name makes it tangible.
 
Leaving that as it is, I draw your focus to this, I was placed into the position where I had to use the techniques from the workshop to help hubby shift whatever it was that had come to the surface. It was interesting because it was head work and nothing else. As we had driven over to the house, any lower work was being done simply through holding space and through silence, the conclusion of that aspect came when we got into the house. The work as I said was head work, I knew where I needed to be, because I saw it. I knew what I was shifting because I had that knowing. I also knew the smell of it and taste too but I haven’t as yet got too much of a handle on those yet (it’s part of the 0.01% I mentioned above).
 
I then held space and allowed the Reiki to flow (more on that in a moment), at the end of it hubby had his higher third eye meridian or chakra open, we felt it happening together for me I had my shiva lingam or palm chakra complete its opening. Each time we connected hands or whatever we felt it happening. It was at that point we knew that we have Shiva and Shakti energy, creation energy in other words flowing. I am the Shiva Energy and he is the Shakti Energy; as Hubby pointed out he does have an 8ft Light body and as for mine, well put it this way I haven’t quite figured out where my light body starts or stops, it will do somewhere along the line but as yet I haven’t quite found them.

 
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Words and The Knowledge of The I AM

 

At the gym I have two playlists, Gym List and Tai Chi which I use at the end; during the workout and while within the full I AM presence, the lyrics to some songs were an assault on my senses. It was like a set of instructions on a talking book or like seeing the Colour Red on the TV I allowed and battled through some of them but eventually I just had to start track shunting because enough had become enough. My sense of things brought back into my frame of the I AM memory a conversation that has come up a great many times about the power of words.
 
Let be clear about one thing, I give you a name that you can call me; my folks named me but the only power it has is the power I know allow it to have. My sense of things saw that today and I touched on it for a moment yesterday but the significance of that is now fully present within the I AM today, there is no longer any contract with the name I have given you to call me. Yes I know exactly how that is sounding right now and no I don’t care what meaning you take from it, if you take any meaning at all from it.
 
The De-Armouring for me released so much, none of it actually can be given word form, not out of concern for re-attachment as it has no place and no invite, but because there is no way to give it a name or anything, we don’t have the language for it well not any more. However the de-armouring also was a gift, I have written about the past life work that I have been through and about learning how I connect with Reiki The interesting thing that I have learnt through this since that work was done is something that I have only really ever given words to a few times, and I don’t plan on giving it words here because that opens a door to attachment or story and explanations, most of that is already been said in the past life stuff I wrote anyway you just need to read it.
 
Okay I am growing a little tired to this while relevant is hovering close to getting lost in story, explanations and placing attachment where it’s not needed. As I fully integrate into the I AM where there is no need to make the distinction or have the need for a mantra other than during the time I will be working, I have come to accept, embrace and quite honestly roll with some of the stuff that has happened. Working to remove energy from crystals, reiki symbols and negated the energy that was within a couple of things I had printed on to parchment and at the time cleared but today I realised that they had now served their purpose and needed to be negated rather than sent back into the void of all possibility.

 
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I AM

 

The journey I began 3 years ago, has concluded in that all the parts of me are now returned; nothing prepared me for what sacred de-armouring would do and yet I know there could have been no other way to achieve what has been accomplished. As I finish up and prepare to publish this piece, I am in full awareness that there is only me, all parts of me have been integrated and I am ready now at the completion of this piece to fully embrace the last 0.01% – the range of feelings and energies that are doing the rounds within me at this moment aren’t anything other than the body healing and repairing from my time at the gym today.
 
What I write here isn’t really for validation or to create/weave a tale it’s an actual chronicle, a record of the transition and integration of the I AM. I am not bothered if you believe it, dismiss it or whatever. Unless you were there or you have been through de-armouring then there is a chance that you won’t fully resonate with this and that is fine, you are not meant to at this point. I welcome comments, regardless of polarity; I will answer them.
 
Thank you for reading this piece
 
Namaste <3